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Chapter 927 Learn to accept first

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    Chu Lihua remembered her sudden epiphany before, and summed up some of the more valuable experiences in it, accepting what cannot be changed, and what is powerful can be changed.

    After clearing his mind, he opened his mouth slowly:

    "In our lives, there are more or less problems that trouble us, make us feel unhappy, or even suffer. For example, smoking, drinking and other bad habits, we know it's bad, but we can't quit  Lose;

    For another example, bad emotions such as irritability, anxiety, and depression can also affect our mood.  And then even affect our treatment efficacy.

    In addition, there are problems such as procrastination, obsessive-compulsive disorder, social phobia, etc., which affect our sense of well-being.  We may have made a lot of determination and expended a lot of effort to change, but failed over and over again.

    In the final analysis, it is because we can't control the mischievous little elf inside us.

    I am here to share with you a good way.

    It helps us accept the part of ourselves that is "unchangeable in nature" and solve problems in a different way; it also helps us understand the part of ourselves that is "man can conquer nature", and we can easily resolve problems and quickly improve ourselves.

    Next, I will share with you how to accept your fate and how to change yourself without accepting your fate from the following three aspects.

    First, what factors determine whether a problem that bothers us can be changed?

    Second, specifically, which problems can be changed, which problems are difficult to change, and which problems cannot be changed at all?

    Third, how to make your own changes from now on?

    First of all, what factors determine whether a problem that bothers us can be changed?  Do you feel the same way as I do?

    There are already too many psychotherapies and too many self-improvement methods in the world, but most of them are not effective for us.

    We have wasted so much time and endured so many unnecessary frustrations.  Why is this so?

    This is because these methods go the wrong way, they always try to change something that cannot be changed or is difficult to change.

    For things that cannot be changed, no matter how hard we try, it is useless.  So, how to distinguish between what can be changed and what cannot be changed?

    It all depends on how deep a problem really is.  It is easier to change the superficial things, but it is much more difficult to change the deep things.

    How to judge whether a problem is superficial or deep?  The depth of the problem can be roughly defined from three levels: the biological level, the evidence level, and the force level.

    Let's talk about the biological level first.  The closer a problem is to the natural physiological mechanism, the deeper the problem is at the biological level. It can basically be said that it is very difficult to change such a problem.

    When encountering such a problem, you must not be foolish and hard-knocked, but you must first accept this reality, and then find other ways to solve this problem in a roundabout way.

    For example, we want to fly.  However, our genes clearly do not allow us to learn this skill, and even if we spend a lifetime practicing it, it is impossible to realize this dream.

    However, if we can accept this reality earlier, we may find another way, invent aircraft such as airplanes, and let ourselves realize our dream of flying in other ways.

    I can give you another example.  'Fatigue' is a normal physiological response that can hardly be changed.  But when people face problems related to 'fatigue', they often choose to go head-to-head.

    For example, the very famous SEAL training that I watched before.

    Here is the most important thing to add here, the SEALs are the US military organization that killed Japan.

    Closer to home, in the combat missions of the SEALs, once the snipers lay in ambush, they will have to stay up for a day or two without closing their eyes.

    At this time, they are already very tired, and their shooting accuracy will be affected.  In the past, when the army trained snipers, the common method was to carry out psychological intervention, or simply give snipers medicine to help them reduce fatigue.

    The actual situation shows that neither method is very effective.  Positive psychologist Seligman proposed a truly effective training method for the US military to train snipers:

    That is, since fatigue is a reaction that is difficult to change from the physiological level, it is better to accept fatigue completely, let snipers practice shooting in extreme fatigue, and improve shooting accuracy in fatigue state.

    sameAfter all, fighter pilots are faced with 'fear', which is also a normal physiological reaction and can hardly be changed.

    Then, we should not try to change or reduce their fear; instead, we must train them to make correct choices and perform correct operations in the state of extreme fear.

    Speaking of daily life, such as the issue of weight, if our obesity is caused by genes, then it is a deep problem at the biological level, and it is almost impossible to lose weight, or even if you lose weight in a short period of time, a little  If you don't pay attention, you will gain weight.

    (Laughing awkwardly) I don't think I'm genetically fat yet.

    After talking about the depth of a question at the biological level, let's talk about the depth at the evidence level.

    For a problem, the easier it is to find evidence to support it, the harder it is to change; conversely, the easier it is to find evidence against it, the easier it is to change.

    Let me give you an example.  My ex-husband's elder brother, once we drove back to Beijing from the Northeast, we drove a Toyota.

    Get off at the service station to go to the toilet, and go to a supermarket to replenish the food on the way. When we returned to the parking lot with a lot of food, we found that the car key could not open the door.

    At that time, we tried all kinds of methods and finally called the unlocking company.  While waiting for the unlocking company, the security guard at the parking lot came over to look at our keys, then at the car, and then said slowly: 'Are you sure this car is your car?  This key belongs to Toyota, but this car is Honda.  '

    We took a closer look, and it was indeed the case. This car looked very similar to our Toyota, with similar colors and sizes, but after a closer look, it was really not my car.  The license plate number is also different.

    After that, my brother and ex-husband looked around the parking lot and found our car parked not far away.

    Well, in fact, everyone really didn't think at the time that the car was found by mistake.  Because I remember that it is probably in this position!  Unexpectedly, the car moved again later, and we didn't know our own car. Isn't it a bit embarrassing.  "(Remember this site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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