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Chapter 725 What Should I Do With You?

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    ?

    A particularly vivid example is given in the article.

    For example, if you play golf and you always fail to do a certain action, the coach will not ask you if you are afraid of winning deep down in your heart?  Have you ever been frightened by your father when you were young?

    The coach only focuses on technical movements: you are holding the club too tightly!  It's that simple.

    To put it bluntly, focus on solving short-term therapy - don't care about your past at all.  It doesn't ask why you are what you are, it asks what you were *at your best*.  It finds your highlights.

    The book gives such an example, a couple whose marriage was on the red light came to do marriage counseling.

    The psychiatrists of focus therapy will ask them: Suppose a miracle happened in the middle of the night today, and you wake up and find that there are no problems¡ªthen you say, what phenomenon can make you believe that the miracle did happen?

    Under constant inspiration from the doctor, the couple said it would be a miracle if they could listen to each other.

    Following this question, the doctor asked the key question: You can't be arguing all day long, right?  You guys will get along at least once in a while, like that miracle moment.

    So when was the last time you experienced this miraculous state?  How was it done?

    According to this logic, Chu Lihua thought about it carefully, under what circumstances would she and Qing Yunfei be fine?

    It is in the absence of any accidents, that is to say, Qing Yunfei is a person who is afraid of accidents and uncertainties.

    Then, in the future, this part can only be borne by yourself.

    At this moment, Chu Lihua seemed to suddenly understand the theoretical basis of Wu Danru's "Happy Marriage to Anyone".

    Just like in ancient times, marriage was the order of parents and the words of matchmakers, but there are also many good stories. The key point is that one or both of them will find a way to maintain the relationship.

    Just like people in the old days, when something is broken, they think about how to fix it.

    But now people in the new era have better living conditions, and when things break, they just want to replace them with new ones.

    It's like a partner. When things don't go well, you don't think about how to solve the problem, but think about changing to another one.

    But, is it really good to change it?

    In fact, unless one learns one's wisdom by taking a fall, otherwise, the result of changing another one is still mostly repeating the same mistakes.

    Just like things, if you don't know how to cherish and use them well, they will soon go bad again; but if you find the reason why the previous one broke, the new one may avoid the tragedy.

    In other words, the most important thing is not to change other people, but to change your own thoughts and behaviors.

    Thinking about the relationship with my mother again, the things that happened when I was a child can no longer be changed. If I think about it over and over again to find a solution to the problem, it is better to think about how to ease the relationship now.

    It seems that every time I think about calling my mother, or when she calls, I start to feel nervous involuntarily.

    When people are nervous, they will definitely become more sensitive, so can we treat the call with mother with a relaxed attitude first?

    Looking for bright spots, it seems that, when I was very relaxed, I was in a better state when I called my mother.

    By the way, the relaxation at that time was the time taken out of other things, and the call time should not be too long; using the busy work as an excuse, I hung up after finishing the matter in a few words, and generally nothing unpleasant happened.

    Then, in the future, create a scene like this and call your mother again.

    Is such a method really feasible?

    Chu Lihua recalled reading a story in that magazine, because it was very characteristic and happened in the year she was born, so she couldn't help remembering it.  I didn't think much about it at the time, but now, after careful analysis, it is also in line with the practice of finding bright spots.

    The story happened in 1990. An expert from an international charity organization named Jerry Sternin was ordered to help solve the problem of malnutrition among children in rural Vietnam.

    At that time, Vietnam was very backward, with poor sanitation and no guarantee of clean drinking water. Rural women had no nutritional knowledge at all. In fact, the problem boiled down to one word: poor.

    But this knowledge is of no use to Sterling.  Sterning didn't worry about why Vietnam was so poor, and his approach was in line with the idea of ??finding bright spots.

    No matter how hard the countryside in Vietnam is, it doesn¡¯t mean that there is not even a healthy child, right?

    There must be.

    Some children are well-nourished because their relatives are in the government.Working with extra money is not a bright spot because it cannot be copied.

    Sterning investigated one by one and found the real bright spot.

    There are some children whose family conditions are as poor as others, but they do not suffer from malnutrition.  What's the matter with them?

    The Sterning survey found that the mothers of these healthy children fed their children differently from other mothers in three ways.

    First, while other children ate two meals a day with adults, these children ate four meals a day.  The total amount to eat is the same, but divided into four to eat.

    Second, these mothers will take the initiative to feed their children, while other families are free to let their children eat or not.

    Third, these mothers will mash some small shrimps, small crabs, especially sweet potato leaves, and mix them in rice for their children to eat.  These things are common in Vietnam, but other parents generally consider sweet potato leaves to be a low-grade food and not to give them to their children.

    Thinking about it now, Chu Lihua thinks these three methods are very reasonable.

    Eating is very important. Children's stomach capacity is limited, and eating too much at one time is not easy to digest, and shrimp, crab and sweet potato leaves can supplement protein and vitamins.

    Sterning could never have thought of such methods himself, but he discovered them.  And these methods are reproducible.

    Sterling promoted immediately.

    He organized the mothers in rural Vietnam and divided them into small classes. He invited those mothers who did well to show their experiences, and everyone cooked for their children together.

    ?As a result, the project was a great success, and the malnutrition of Vietnamese children has been significantly improved.

    In other words, this method is feasible to solve such a big problem.

    Finding bright spots is a counter-intuitive and natural method.

    It's counter-intuitive because our minds tend to focus on problems rather than bright spots.

    Problems can stimulate you, bright spots will not stimulate you.  You are very sensitive when others do something wrong, but you don't pay attention to what others do right.

    After such a conclusion, Chu Lihua suddenly remembered why Qing Yunfei was so attractive to her at that time, and also understood that the problem was not only with him.

    Because, when I am in a hurry, my tone will sound wrong.  It is said that the effect of force is mutual, and at the same time, the effect of emotion is also mutual!  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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