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077 The Suffering of Life

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    ?

    After a turbulent life for more than a month, it seems to be on the right track again.  After calming down and thinking about it, I think life these days can be roughly divided into two stages.

    The first stage was from the time when I learned that my father had cancer until I signed the decision to have the operation.  Since the thunderbolt from the blue, the whole family has been gloomy.  The first thing to be hit is his fragile heart.  After being extremely heartbroken and worried, it was extremely overwhelmed.  Due to various factors, we were hesitant about whether my father should receive treatment locally or in a big city.  It was a very bleak time, because at this stage, our family was suffering psychologically.

    The second stage was from the time I signed to confirm the operation until my father was discharged from the hospital.  For a little over a month, our whole family has been extremely busy.  Some are in charge of children, some are in charge of logistics, and some are in charge of guarding.  Among them, the brother-in-law, sister and wife have to go to work while taking care of their own affairs.  It can be said that at that time, except for the two ignorant children, everyone else deeply experienced the feeling of "labor" while being busy.  Especially me who guards the new force.  Most of the time, I spent dozens of hours without sleep taking care of my father after the operation.  At that time, for me, the greatest enjoyment was undoubtedly a good night's sleep.

    Most of the tastes in life are bitter.  In these two stages, we deeply experienced the "bitterness" in life.  In the first stage, because of the extreme psychological suffering, all our suffering comes from the heart.  That is a kind of spiritual "suffering".  In the second stage, our suffering mainly comes from the body because we all take our own responsibilities and bear the burden of hard work.  It is a kind of physical "bitterness".  In comparison, the spiritual "bitterness" is more unforgettable and unbearable.  Therefore, in the first stage, it can be said that the clouds filled every corner of our family, including the heart.  Sorrowful clouds urge people to suffer.  We frown tightly, no matter where we go, we always have a bitter face.  The second stage of "suffering" is for "labor".  It is due to constant toil.  This kind of suffering can only fill everyone's body, but it cannot spread.  Such suffering cannot be spread to others; such suffering cannot penetrate into the heart; such suffering can only remain on the surface of the body.

    There are two stages, each with its own "bitterness".  But the spiritual "bitterness" goes deep into the bone marrow and cannot be driven away.  It will torture people to lose hope.  Therefore, this is a kind of nightmarish "bitterness" like a gangrene.  Compared with it, I would rather endure physical "suffering".  Because physical "suffering" is superficial and short-lived.  As long as I stick to my original heart, I can survive no matter how great the "suffering" (physically) is;  In just three or four hours, I can quickly dispel such "bitterness" (physical).

    The first stage is the "bitterness" with no hope.  Based on my father's condition and my wife's cousin's professional analysis, I can only plan for the worst.  At that time, I thought it was difficult to save my father's life.  All my efforts are entirely based on the idea of ??delaying my father's death to some extent.  That is an effort with no way out and no vitality.  During that time, there was not even a ray of light in my life, and my whole body was completely enveloped in a terrible thick darkness.  In the face of the boundless darkness, it seems that all struggles are futile.

    In the second stage, suffering is suffering, but it is a very definite "bitterness".  Physical "labor" comes and goes quickly.  As long as you rest in time, such "bitterness" will soon disappear without a trace.  It is not at the same level as the "bitterness" of the invisible spirit.  Such "bitterness" does not constitute any threat to me at all.  In addition, through our careful care and patient company, my father's health is getting better day by day.  Looking at my father who is recovering gradually, I can't help but recall what the attending physician said to me when he asked me to sign before the operation, "Operation from the right side has a 90% success rate."  In my subconscious mind, I thought my father had been cured through surgery.  Now, what my father lacks is to slowly recuperate and recover.  Therefore, it is actually a kind of "bitterness" full of hope, the "bitterness" before the sweetness comes.  At that time, I always thought that after the extreme "bitterness" of the body, I would definitely taste the "sweetness" of my father's complete recovery.  The "bitterness" in the second stage is only born to set off the "sweetness".  The "bitterness" in the second stage is just a supporting role of "sweetness".  In the beckoning of the "sweetness" of hope, the "bitterness" of the body is no longer suffering.  At least, I, who is full of hope, don't feel such "bitterness" very much.

    From the invisible spiritual "suffering" in the first stage to the tangible physical "suffering" in the second stage, the degree of "suffering" has actually been greatly reduced.  "Bitterness" is relative.  Compared with the invisible "suffering" in the first stage, the physical "suffering" in the second stage is actually a kind of enjoyment for our family.  Ever since my father had the hope of living, he has been full of?The thick and dark "sorrow" of the whole family is being dispelled bit by bit.  Although the garden was not yet full of sunshine, at least we felt that we had seen the dawn before dawn in a trance.  Under such dawn, the whole family rejuvenated their long-lost life vitality.  At this moment, hope has become our absolute medicine against the taste of "bitterness".  With hope, people can better endure all kinds of "suffering" in life; only hope can make people lower their perception of "suffering" in life, and feel that "suffering" is no longer so "suffering".

    After my father was discharged from the hospital, both the intangible mental "suffering" and the tangible physical "suffering" seemed to have disappeared at once.  Of course, the mother continued to take care of the "labor" of the father's body.  The feeling after complete relaxation of mind and body must be in sharp contrast with the previous "bitterness".  Although the "sweet" taste has not yet come, because we have more or less faint worries in our hearts, worrying that our father's condition will recur, but in the absence of the previous "bitter" taste, no matter whether there is "sweet" or not.  The arrival of each day does not affect one's own taste of "happiness" in life.  It is a kind of "happiness" that breaks free from the abyss of pain, and it is a kind of "happiness" after seeing the dawn of hope.  Under the stark contrast of more than a month of pain and suffering, our sense of "happiness" has become very clear.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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