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Free Web Novel,Novel online - All in hlnovel.com -> Prose -> The Half-Blind Woman s Hero s Journey Chapter 949 A joint relationship that can be improved together
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It is not the experience of buying shoes that led to Mary's anxious behavior in adulthood, but the problem that was not properly dealt with many years ago, which also affected her parent-child relationship with her child.
The same experience, for example, when Chu Lihua was a child, her mother often left home quietly because she hated her crying, and she would always look for her mother, wondering if she had been abandoned.
When you leave your child, you will feel very anxious and bring pressure to the child.
For another example, when I was a child, I was afraid of injections, and the fierce doctor in the white coat left me with deep fear. When you become a parent and face your child¡¯s discomfort and cry, you will feel nervous and irritable. How to comfort a child. It's like a vicious circle.
The most frustrating thing is that Chu Lihua's situation is similar to that of Mary.
yes. Don't look at how my mother would take her shopping after she picked her up.
But every time, the price is used to determine whether to buy.
If she really likes it, she can only look at it, and buy the best price for the next best thing.
Now, she will also buy a lot of clothes that she doesn't really like because of the special discounts in various stores.
Is that why there is always a pain in the flesh when buying things for the children?
So, will the children feel it?
The same is true for buying things for Qing Yunfei, pick the cheap ones, and then tell him a price range for him to guess.
Because I was afraid that he would not be able to accept it
Therefore, past experiences will not only affect the way of educating children, but also affect the way of treating yourself and those around you.
Maybe Qing Yunfei's childhood was very happy, there is no problem, he can teach healthy and optimistic children. But is someone like him really the best?
No, there are still some shortcomings that I can't accept?
No, no, maybe, it's my own state of mind.
After all, not everyone with a happy childhood has this problem.
But I often quarreled with Qing Yunfei because of a certain behavior, and when I somehow found a certain behavior that I couldn't tolerate, I didn't cut the mess quickly, but stopped and thought about it.
People's early experience, or mental trauma, will not make you feel it clearly at that time, it will be hidden in the depths of your memory, and at a certain moment, it may suddenly flash into your brain, or bring yourself some kind of trauma. mood.
Especially after reading various psychology books, I couldn't help but apply it to myself.
Why is this so? Answering this question requires the use of the human brain's memory retrieval mechanism.
There are two types of human memory, explicit memory and implicit memory.
How to understand this? From the perspective of the nervous system of the brain, the things that people have experienced are a series of stimuli received by the human brain. After receiving these stimuli, the human brain will convert these stimuli into information through the activity of neurons in the brain and store them. stand up.
When needed, the human brain will call up these memories.
However, this calling method is not necessarily our conscious behavior.
Under normal circumstances, we will consciously recall past experiences, and the information extracted by the brain at this time is explicit memory.
However, there is another special situation in which the memory pops up by itself when the person is unconscious, which is the implicit memory.
In most cases, the reason for the formation of implicit memory is that human beings have an instinct to protect themselves. When experiencing pain, people consciously ignore the frightening feelings brought to them by others;
But the brain is not lazy, it still stores this information in a special way.
When our life is similar to the previous painful experience, these implicit memories hidden in the human brain will come uninvited, and people will not feel that they are recalling something;
However, I can actually experience the bad emotions brought about by these painful experiences; or irritability, or sadness, or depression, etc.
It seems that these things have just happened again, making you resist all the similar behaviors and the bad emotions they cause because you resist the previous painful experience from the bottom of your heart;
Therefore, I also particularly dislike certain behaviors and forbid others to do so. If anyone does this, they will think it is an offense to themselves.
No wonder, sometimes, I always sigh that psychology is really powerful, and I actually found a Qing Yunfei who is very similar to his parents.
In fact, he is just?Because of certain behaviors.
Therefore, implicit memory is an important cause of painful emotions.
For the painful experiences in the past, if they are not properly dealt with, it means that people have not passed this hurdle psychologically, but the memory honestly reminds you of your pain.
These implicit memories that appear from time to time may even constitute a systematic thought of yours, forming a passive response mode in the process of your interaction with your child, constantly hurting your relationship with your child.
The relationship with parents is an important part of a child's childhood experience, which will directly affect the child's unformed personality.
This is how past experiences affect how you raise your children.
Implicit memory is an important cause of painful emotions. If the pain of past experiences has not been properly processed psychologically, the brain's implicit memory of these experiences will pop up and remind you of the pain.
If parents have some problems that are not properly resolved, history will repeat itself repeatedly, and parents can easily pass on their unhealthy behaviors or psychological patterns in the past to their children.
Therefore, in fact, as long as those implicit memories are properly handled, not only can heal the trauma left by childhood, but also improve the parent-child relationship between oneself and the children to the greatest extent. This is the original intention!
Thinking that even after getting old, it will still be the joy of a loving mother and filial son, Chu Lihua feels that these winding psychological words have become extremely cute.
The different ways of interaction between parents and children determine the different attachment patterns of children.
This is what I knew when I first studied psychology. Babies form an attachment relationship with their parents bit by bit from birth.
If children and parents often have close connections, parents can actively respond when children need it, and children can feel understood and protected, then the attachment relationship formed between them is a kind of secure attachment.
In this kind of parent-child relationship, the child will be full of confidence in life, because he feels that "if I can communicate well with the outside world, I can find a way to solve the problem".
This attachment relationship is safe and can lay the foundation for children to get in touch with the world. It is the foundation for children to learn to know themselves and others. It will also have an important impact on children's communication skills, stress resistance, emotional regulation, and understanding and analysis. (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com - Didn't finish reading? Add this book to your favoritesI'm a member and bookmarked this chapterCopy the address of this book and recommend it to your friends for pointsChapter error? Click here to report
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