Corresponding to ourselves, shouldn't we use such and such negative labels to judge ourselves that can never be changed?
Many people ask themselves this question in their hearts.
Chu Lihua also told herself over and over again that she must think like words.
Although she understands the truth, pictures that she doesn't want always appear in her mind.
Still the depth of meditation is not enough!
Chu Lihua closed her eyes, and began to condense her long speech just now.
"You have to be very careful when you criticize your child or yourself in the child's presence, because you are shaping the child's explanatory style.
When parents unconsciously criticize with permanent, universal, and personal messages, children begin to acquire their own pessimistic patterns.
Children learn optimism when parents blame specific and variable causes.
Therefore, when you find that your child makes a mistake, focus on specific and temporary reasons, and avoid blaming the child's personality and abilities. "
Liu Xingting was secretly surprised in the corner that Chu Lihua actually read so many books and looked up so many materials in order to change the various things brought about by her original family.
That myself
Reconciliation?
A question broke the silence at this moment, "Optimism and pessimism seem to be understood, but in fact they are very abstract. How can we make them superficial?"
Chu Lihua recovered from the recollection, "Yes, this question is very good. Since it is the relationship between the 'inner child' and the 'inner parent', how should our 'inner parents' explain optimism to their 'inner child'?" and pessimistic?
How to make children understand optimistic and pessimistic ways of thinking? The first step is to teach children to capture thoughts.
What is capturing thinking? This means that when a bad thing happens to us, what is the first thought that appears in our mind, we need to find it out;
For example, our explanation of why this happened, or our own feelings, etc.
It is not easy for children to understand this. We can tell her the story of Sherlock Holmes and Holmes.
The story is this:
Once upon a time in a small town, there was a 7-year-old girl who rode a red bicycle to school every day. One day after school, she found that her bicycle was missing.
¡®Where is my bicycle? ¡¯ The little girl burst into tears.
At this time, a man with a big hat and strange clothes came up to her and said to her, "Don't be afraid, I am the famous detective Holmes, and I am here to serve you." '
The little girl said, 'I've never heard of Holmes, I've only heard of the famous detective Sherlock Holmes. '
"Why does everybody get me mixed up with that wretch?" said Holmes, in a fit of exasperation. Anyway, I know who stole your car, and it's that scary and dangerous Danny! '
'Wow! ¡¯ cried the little girl, ¡®how did you know who the thief was so quickly? '
Holmes said, 'It's no big deal, he's the first name that comes to mind so it must be him. '
Having said that, he turned around, nearly tripped himself, and disappeared. At this time, Holmes appeared. He took off his cape, straightened his hat and said, 'I disagree with what that idiot Holmes said. A true detective doesn't jump to conclusions based on the first name that comes to mind. I'll make a list of suspects and look for evidence to catch the thief. I'm going to look for clues now. '
In the evening, Holmes reappeared, and at the same time brought his conclusion, he said, "First of all, I guessed it was Danny who was dangerous, but when I collected the evidence, I found that Danny couldn't come out today because he was punished for skipping class, so It can't be him.
Then I thought maybe it was Sneaky Steve, but when I gathered the evidence and it turned out he went straight to the arcade after school, it couldn't have been him either.
Then I found Bad Betty's headband where you parked, and I went to Bad Betty's house; her mother told me Betty had gone out on a brand new red bike; said it was because she was good, school Give her a prize.
Finally, I finally found her, riding your bicycle, scaring children younger than her. '
The little girl clapped her hands happily, 'You are really several times smarter than that Ulmus! '
After telling this story, now ask your own 'inner child', which detective would you call in to help if your bicycle was stolen?
To describe, why Holmes' method is better.
Let the children realize that the reason why Sherlock Holmes can successfully solve the case is because he made a list of criminals, found evidence, and judged who is the thief based on the evidence.
On the contrary, Holmes just believed the first thought in his head.
Through this story, children can well understand that we are all like Holmes at times. When bad things happen, we often believe the first thought that flashes through our minds without taking the time to judge carefully. wrong.
Use this method to reshape your own capture thinking.
We teach the 'inner child' to identify the thoughts that cross his mind when he is feeling the worst.
These thoughts are not easy to perceive, because after something happens, how to think is like an automatic behavior, we will not notice what we are thinking, and we will think that our thoughts are naturally right.
But if someone wrongs us and puts a wrong thing on our head that was not our fault, we will jump out and refute it immediately.
This is the first step, capturing thoughts and teaching children not to believe the first thought that comes to mind.
Otherwise, it is easy to appear as Charlie Munger said, 'As long as you hold a hammer in your hand, everything will look like a nail. '"
After Chu Lihua finished speaking, she was not in a hurry to say the second, but paused to let everyone digest it slowly.
I also review myself again to improve my capture thinking.
The human brain is really smart, as long as it has the first idea, it will do everything possible to find all kinds of evidence and reasons for itself to prove it.
Actually, the order is reversed.
The correct order is to find evidence first, and then draw conclusions.
Tell everyone the theory, really, when the upper and lower lips touch, a lot will come out.
When it really comes to yourself
No wonder people say, "Teachers go to normal school only after failing to get into a top university. But such a group of people combine their own 'failure' experience to teach top students."
? Chu Lihua smiled slightly. Although not all of them have done what they said now, as long as they can do it, they can use it to motivate themselves (Remember the website URL: www.hlnovel.com