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Chapter 932: Inside

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    ?

    Someone was surprised, "Why do you say that?"

    Chu Lihua is really happy from the bottom of her heart, as long as she doesn't sing a one-man show by herself.

    ¡ª¡ª"First of all, almost everything this father said was not true. Tom also knew that no matter how hard he tried, he could never catch up with his sister.

    Father should tell the truth, he can explain to Tom that when Tom grows up to 9 years old like his sister, the things he makes will be stronger.

    He can also explain to Tom that when his sister was 6 years old, she made the same things as Tom.

    Then, to please Tom, his father made something for Tom that he couldn't do himself.

    The father's message is that when things don't turn out the way you want them to, you have to give up and let someone else come to your rescue.

    This actually teaches Tom to be helpless instead.  Failure itself is not terrible, but making children habitually helpless is terrible.

    William James, the father of modern psychology, put forward two concepts about self-esteem, 'feeling satisfaction' and 'performance satisfaction'; feeling satisfaction refers to thinking that one has the right to be happy and enjoy the fruits of hard work.  Performance satisfaction refers to the belief in one's ability to meet everyday challenges.

    James proposed that there is no way to bypass performance satisfaction and directly obtain sensory satisfaction.

    To put it bluntly, when a child has not gained the ability to control, directly adding self-esteem to him will reduce his self-esteem.  Self-esteem and a sense of joy can only be gained by mastering challenges and overcoming setbacks.

    So, Tom's father is reversing cause and effect, trying to put confidence directly in the child.  What parents need is not to encourage their children to feel satisfied, but to teach them ways to express satisfaction so that children can gain the ability to control.

    Corresponding to us is that we must show satisfaction before we can feel you are satisfied.

    To give another example, Jesse has done a good job in helping children gain control.  Once, she found that her one-year-old son often crawled into the corner behind the sofa. Although she tried to block the passage, the little boy would still try to get into the corner with all his strength.  He will cheer happily, as if claiming that it is his territory.

    Later, Jesse slowly discovered that her son liked the challenge of climbing. After that, Jesse never stopped her child from exploring like other parents did. She would create new challenges for her child in a safe environment;

    For example, build a castle with old boxes and pillows, hide puppets in the castle, and let the children find them. When the children find them, they will clap their hands and cheer excitedly. Jesse will share the children's pride after the adventure.

    In this way, Jessie helps her son feel in control and continually creates new opportunities for her son to gain control.

    We must remember that the parents and children we refer to are the "inner parents" and "inner children" of each of us. Of course, if you have children, you can also use these methods to make progress together with your children.

    Next, let's talk about the second mistake parents may make, which is to accuse their children inappropriately.

    In fact, we always blame ourselves for dissatisfaction, which is equivalent to pessimistic self-blame.

    Children are like sponges. They absorb not only what you say, but also the way you speak. Therefore, one of the ways to help children is to first acquire the skills of rejecting pessimism yourself.

    Children learn how adults criticize them while listening to them.

    For example, if you criticize your child for being lazy today instead of criticizing him for not working hard enough, the child will not only believe that he is lazy; he will also believe that his failure comes from permanent, unchangeable reasons.

    In this way, the child will acquire a pessimistic explanatory style from you.

    Therefore, when you criticize your child, or even criticize yourself in front of your child, be very careful with your wording, and don't blame your child for permanent, personal, and general reasons.

    What does that mean?  Let's look at an example.

    Lily is a 10-year-old girl. One day her mother took her and her 3-year-old brother to the zoo. In the car, Lily kept making trouble with her brother. She told her brother that her father belonged to her alone, saying that her brother was real.  His father was an orangutan; he also threatened his brother that if he made a mistake, the zoo lions would bite his head off.

    Lily seldom made trouble like this, and her mother was very upset.  How did this mother criticize Lily?  She said this: Lily, don't tease your brother anymore, what happened to you today?  You have always been a good sister.

    You taught your brother how to play games, and even shared with himEnjoy toys, but today you are not friendly to him at all.  A zoo can be a scary place for a young child and it won't do him any good if you scare him like that, and you know I don't like that kind of behavior.

    Lily, I want you to apologize to my brother. If you tease him again today, you are not allowed to play outside after dinner, do you understand?

    This mother's way of criticizing is ideal, let's analyze why she is right.  First of all, she pointed out that Lily has always been a good sister, and today's bad behavior is temporary. She also used a practical example, that is, Lily would share toys with her younger brother, to illustrate that her problem is not universal.

    This will help Lily maintain her self-esteem and pride in her previous good behavior.  At the same time, she told Lily that she must apologize to her brother and that she would be punished accordingly if she continued to make trouble.

    This mother did not attribute the reason to Lily's personality, but pointed out what Lily should do is the correct behavior, preventing Lily from labeling herself as a naughty child.

    Imagine if the mother criticized Lily for always sabotaging the mother's plans, explaining the child's behavior with general, permanent, and personal reasons;

    Lily will feel that she is a bad child, always making troubles and doing wrong things, and will give up on herself, deny herself, and feel that her mother doesn't want her anymore.  This is very detrimental to the formation of the child's character.

    Also note that when you are angry, what kind of explanation you give to the people around you will also affect your child.

    For example, the car was scratched, and you can explain it because the unreasonable guy insisted on pushing through; Dad closed the door loudly because he was in a bad mood, and he couldn't find a job because the economy was bad.

    These explanations all limit the reasons for bad things to specific factors, rather than permanent reasons, or they are all their own faults. This is an optimistic explanation style.

    Your own explaining style is on display, and the child is listening carefully.  He learns not just the specifics of your interpretation, but your general explanatory style, and makes your style his own.  "(Remember this site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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