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Chapter 816 Experience Forged in History of Blood and Tears

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    ¡ª¡ª"Chuchu, the benefit of your expectation and experience is whether you have actually experienced it, right? But then you said that it was based on as if and imagined, and then repeated, is this reliable?"

    Number Four obviously listened carefully before asking such a question.

    ¡ª¡ª"Yes, these two sounds contradictory, but I use psychology and positive psychology together.

    The benefits of expectation and experience I mentioned earlier are to explain from a psychological point of view why it is so difficult for us to change our inherent bad behavior habits.

    And what I said later is to use our subconsciousness and imaginative imitation to deepen our simulation of the situation that needs to be changed, so as to use our powerful subconsciousness to change ourselves.

    This is non-conflicting, the bottom-of-the-box secret I told you just now.

    But it is more convincing to explain the principle from it.

    Positive expectations will have different effects.  There is a term in psychology called the Pygmalion effect, also known as the Rosenthal effect.

    What is the Pygmalion effect?  Pygmalion is actually the name of a king in Greek mythology. The king was not interested in mortal women, but fell in love with the statue of a girl he carefully created.

    Unexpectedly, the goddess Venus was moved by Pygmalion's persistence and gave life to this statue.  Pygmalion's dream finally came true and he took this beautiful woman as his wife.

    The famous American psychologist Rosenthal used the Pygmalion effect to refer to people's self-fulfilling prophecies.

    This phenomenon has indeed been confirmed by psychological experiments.  Rosenthal and Jacobson found a school to do a survey, and then told the teacher that they claimed to have found 18 students with higher IQs; in fact, these 18 students were just randomly selected by them.  18 students did improve their grades, and they are getting better and better.

    This is because the teachers think they are geniuses, so they pay more attention to them in class, and release the message of "you are excellent". Under the influence of these messages, the students really study harder.

    What the Pygmalion effect says is that you will get what you expect. If you give some people strong expectations, then these people will develop in the direction you want.  So sometimes people call it the anticipation effect.

    We can not only be expected by the authority to become the new us in their mouths, but also use this effect to come from self-expectation, so as to achieve the effect of forming a new self.

    I understand this, and it took me a long time to hypnotize myself.

    I used to be a negative example expected by an authority, but I was fortunate enough to come into contact with psychology, and then I was able to redeem myself.

    In the final analysis, the benefits of experience are because we have been in our psychological comfort zone for a long time, and change will scare us.

    The old Bu in the movie "The Shawshank Redemption", he was imprisoned for 50 years and almost spent his whole life in prison.  When he learned that he was about to be released after serving his sentence, instead of being filled with joy, he almost had a nervous breakdown.

    Because he is already familiar with the prison and cannot leave the prison.  For this reason, Lao Bu did not hesitate to raise a knife to kill people in order to continue serving his sentence in prison.  When he was released from prison again, he even chose to commit suicide.  Although the prison is uncomfortable, it is Lao Bu's psychological comfort zone.

    From the example of Lao Bu, it can be seen that sometimes people are still unwilling to change even in a very painful and difficult environment. This is a kind of psychological comfort zone because people are familiar with it.

    It's as if we sometimes know that some of the things we are doing, such as playing games and watching various soap operas, are not conducive to our growth.  However, because the psychological comfort zone has been built, it is very difficult to change.  Even, like Lao Bu, he directly chose to escape in an extreme way.

    And the use of imaginary feelings that I will talk about later must be so detailed that it seems that you can feel it through your pores.

    It can be seen from the example of Lao Bu that sometimes people are unwilling to change even in a very painful and difficult environment. This is also a psychological comfort zone because people are familiar with it.

    What are the benefits of the psychological comfort zone, which makes people want to change, but they can't change it?

    Simply put, the biggest benefit it can bring is a sense of control.

    A sense of control is a basic need for everyone and a source of security.  Most of our coping styles are initially used to deal with anxiety.

    The more threatened and anxious you feel, the more you need a sense of control, and the easier it is for people to cling to the existing coping methods.

    And out of psychological comfortZones mean that we let go of the weapons we used to deal with anxiety, face it again, and find new ways to adapt.

    This is hard for emotional elephants to bear.  So, the avoidance of anxiety and the need to feel in control often reverts the elephant back to its familiar coping styles, which also makes behavior change enormously difficult.  "

    When Chu Lihua said this, she took a peek at Qing Yunfei who was carrying Xiaoqi in the distance, and when she was sure she was far away and could not hear what she said, she deliberately lowered her voice, and continued what she said just now, "Give me an example  For example, my living environment since I was a child was fostered by a relative. If I didn¡¯t get along well, I would change to another relative.

    Therefore, from the very beginning, I was looking forward to my parents, and later it developed into an expectation of my caregivers; and later, I stopped looking forward to it, and only wanted to replace it with a new one.

    Later, I grew up and began to build my own intimate relationship.  But as soon as we get along badly, my first thought is to change him and find another one.

    If the next one doesn't work, change to another one.  But, interestingly, as long as separated.  On the contrary, there will be expectations.

    I developed this kind of psychology because I am most familiar with this method, which can give me a sense of control and security.  Even though I didn't realize how I was coping in the first place, I just kept going that way.

    The coping method developed in the calendar is: do not have expectations for the relationship, be ready to leave at any time, and continue to live with yourself with another person.

    This coping style applies not to living with two people, but to dealing with separation anxiety when two people are not together.

    In order to cooperate with this coping style, I would rather choose a separate life for the two to miss each other.  Because I am most familiar with this method, it can give me a sense of control and security.

    Even though I don't realize how I'm coping, I'm still going this way.

    This is the most special part of the psychological comfort zone: people do not choose the appropriate coping method based on the current life, but construct the current life based on the familiar coping method.  "(Remember this site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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