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Remember. No appointment

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    ?

    Dragon Boat Festival, there is rain.

    Today is the scheduled date, but I failed to make the choice I made as promised. I will record the current situation here.

    On June 25, 2018, I took the train from Shenzhen and came to Beijing to look for a job. I made up my mind to spend two years here no matter what. After two years, no matter what happens, no matter what situation I am in, I must leave Beijing.  Then start over with a new selection, but you missed the appointment.

    Reasons for missed appointments include the following:

    First of all, it is out of gratitude to lz.  Today is the final year of poverty alleviation. At first, I thought that the final year should be very busy, and you can¡¯t leave here when the department is the busiest.  And lz seems to say that you are a very loyal person, whether you are really loyal is another matter, but when the work is about to end, you just walked away without warning, it is really inhumane.  After leaving here, maybe you will never see the current person again, maybe you will never see someone as good as lz again, and there will never be someone with such a high recognition.  When you still have tender feelings for this world, you hope that parting will be a parting with a beginning and an end.

    The second is the new crown pneumonia epidemic.  The epidemic has affected the expectations of the whole world. Your small plan is nothing at all, but it has indeed been affected.  You can't just wander around when the epidemic has not passed or is close to the end.  I say wandering, because if you leave here, you will be wandering aimlessly across the country.

    Then there is money.  You hope to travel aimlessly across the country for a year, and then use the pen in your hand to record the world you see. You even think of a unified title for these words, which is called "The World in My Eyes".  But your current savings are not enough to support you for a year, which reminds you of Thoreau's words: spend the best time of your life to earn money, just to enjoy a little freedom in the most worthless time,  And this freedom itself is questionable.  But what can be done?  When your plan is actually implemented, you can get closer to your dream.

    Another point is that the books you need to accumulate have not accumulated to a certain extent.  Some people may think this is a bit nerdy, but in your opinion, this is a very important part and cannot be missed.  You hope that when you encounter the scenery or event that you really want to record, or some kind of fleeting state of mind, you have the ability to record, and you can use the words you can think of to record what you want to record most.  Although you don't know what you want to record now, but you hope that before that, you should try to accumulate as much as you can.  When you are on the road, maybe you will throw away all the books you are reading now, and the habit of watching some news now, just remember that you are on the road, and only use your heart to capture the mood on the road.  But until then, get serious about storing what you need to accumulate.

    Regarding the harvest of the past two years, maybe not.  Every day you are looking forward to a certain day when lz will send you out for an interview. You are really looking forward to it every day. For this reason, you always consciously watch how they write reports and what methods they use when watching the news;  In it, I practice writing manuscripts by myself, watch news broadcasts every day, and even spend a long time summarizing the rules of news broadcasts; consciously exercise the writing ability of characters, comments, prose, poetry, etc.  I remember when you first joined the job, you told lz that you didn¡¯t have a SLR, and lz said that a single camera is a standard equipment for journalists, and then you bought a SLR with your first month¡¯s salary and the money you borrowed from zjj, and then taught yourself  photography.  However, one day two years later, lz told you that as an editor, you should have an aesthetic instinct for the page.  That was the saddest day you've had in two years.  You also find that you can never get close to your goal here, that the people you approve of have separated you from your goal very early, and you are still looking forward to it.  How infuriating that you were powerless to refute the contempt of a soul for your soul when you realized that same day.  You are thinking about what you should say when you leave countless times every day, but you know that you should not say anything at that time, and you actually take these expected words as self-consolation, as if you have not lost, and you are not frustrated with the status quo  , and seemed to take these words as a counterattack to frustration.  However, sometimes, you find yourself really frustrated.  When I was in Xinjiang, the driver said that you had something on your mind, but you said no, you just kept your words low.  In fact, who said no?  There is something on my mind, you are so frustrated.  A person who wholeheartedly pursues madness can only sit in a greenhouse and meditate in the end. Who can argue that this is not frustration?  However, according to your temperament, you can only do so.  You are afraid that in the process of waiting to leave, you will gradually forget the good things about Liz, leaving only some bad memories.  You don't wish for this day.

    The light that you are full of for this world has been consumed in these two years of stability.  Your soul is full of dust right now.  Remember lz told you that you are not as happy as before.  Colleagues say no, and you say no.  but youI know you are not happy anymore.  When you first came to Beijing, the smile you carried was full of light. It was the light you brought back from Tibet, and now you have worn it out.  You are nothing but a weary soul now.  You will always think of a sentence in Zhuangzi: There is nothing more sorrow than death.  You are almost in this situation now.  You even feel that traveling is not attractive to you, and you have no expectations for life after traveling.  The soul that is now in the abyss of death, what crazy actions will be needed to save it in the future.

    I heard that the lychees at home have been pressed to the roof. My sister also showed you the video. It is true, but you can¡¯t go home.

    It was still raining, but there were no frogs.

    "I want to go home." (Remember the website URL: www.hlnovel.com
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