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Chapter 7

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    Don't like anything, not interested in anything.  But why do you keep reading all kinds of extracurricular books?  Why learn other things?  Why learn calligraphy?  Why learn sketching?  Why do you want to go wandering?  You say, out of curiosity.  But the generation of curiosity was originally inspired by interest, right?  Then why do you say you are not interested?  Because the amount of curiosity just fills the heart, it is suitable for you to keep it in your heart, but once it is exposed to the outside, it will be insignificant.  And you're completely uninterested in anything other than curious stuff.  So, not interested in anything.

    Yesterday I read a very old book. When I typed the word "old", I felt like I was shot again.  The book is about abnormal psychology, and one of them is about "necrophilia".  Regarding "necrophilia", it originally refers to the desire for sex with dead bodies, and this book refers to "love of death".  Sensitive, depressed, dark, violent, addicted to the past, like things or thoughts about death, and there are interpretations of dreams ¡ª¡ª often dream of blood, violence, corpses, and feces.  As if the door to a new world has been opened, except for the "violence", other characteristics appear on you.  Among them, one point about the dream is more confirmed. Once I dreamed that I mistook a rotting corpse for edible meat. As for who ate it in the dream, I don¡¯t remember.  There was also a dream that there was a dead body floating on a water, and the person in the dream was drinking the water left in the pool.  There are also dreams that have been bothering me ¡ª¡ª in the dream, I am always looking for the toilet, and all the toilets are full of feces, and you have to endure ¡ª¡ª of course, this can guarantee the shadow of childhood  Caused ¡ª¡ª and this huge shadow has affected your past, and it will continue to affect your future in the future.  You told g that it seemed like you opened the door to a new world. After reading it, you felt like you were a serious patient.  Recently, I have been unable to get excited about books. I feel bored when I read everything. I feel a little lost because of this.  It's good to rein in the horse before the New World.  The heart is not strong enough.  Return the book tomorrow.

    In this information age, as a computer major, I don't like e-books when I read extracurricular books, but I am obsessed with the paper texture of books.  You once talked about the suitability of pirated books and genuine books. Your point of view is: what you read is the content. As long as the text remains the same, what kind of paper does it matter?  In the same way, as long as the text is the same, what is the difference between an e-book and a paper book?  And e-books are much more convenient?  Is it because of feelings?  This kind of thing that can't grasp the real feeling at all often captures our actions.  What about the feelings of genuine and pirated books?  Because there is no money!  This tangible also grips our actions.  You said that people are constantly subject to real and imaginary things.

    Yesterday, g suddenly took z's guitar and started practicing.  You look inexplicably excited, and your heart becomes restless, eager to try.  You say to yourself, don't act like that, get in control.  I don't know if it's my own illusion. When people are obsessed with a certain thing, if another person shows more obsession, it will inexplicably kill that person's enthusiasm.  You don't want to destroy your passion for guitar before it even begins.  However, when I think of two people playing the piano together, I feel inexplicably happy.  When you went downstairs to fetch water, you were still in a good mood, and accidentally realized that your heart was getting closer because g started to learn guitar.  It's amazing.  In high school, P said you were another her.  During the winter vacation, T said that you are very similar.  You never understood how they made these judgments.  For a split second, you seem to understand a little bit.  Suddenly I feel somewhat similar to g, but both g and t are such cheerful people, should you grow up to be like that?  Is it just that you have become reticent in the process of growing up?  Is it similar?  Or, just one of many things in life that overlap just happened to be discovered.  Just like you like to read books, cl also likes to read books; you learn guitar, g learns guitar; you are obsessed with anime, and t was once obsessed with anime.  As for p, you still can't figure it out.

    You sit on the bed and watch anime, but you feel that anime is boring, and then you go down and say to G, I want to play the guitar with you.  Then you start practicing birthday songs.  Speaking of it, it seems that I am not as happy as I imagined.  But even though the guitar he plays sucks, he can't help but keep playing it.  I have always felt that it is a shame for me to say that I can play the guitar. After all, I only learned "Ideal Thirty", but I couldn't play it fluently after learning it for a holiday.  Ah, my favorite "Ideal Thirty"!  After a few days of playing, I couldn't help but want to hum this song, as if the guitar represented this song to you.  When you finished humming the only passage you remember, cl asked you what song it was, and then asked who sang it. You said, it should be Chen Hongyu.  Then asked some more about the singer's name.  ??? Say you don't know.  You said: "I just like that song, but I'm not interested in the person who made it." To explain it from a more sublime direction is because you pursue purity too much, and what you can do in that song  What you experience is what you like, and what people contain is far more than what this song contains, and it is much more complicated, and there are many things you don't like.  But is there something you might like more?  In the evening, you asked g, if you had to choose between the two, would you choose to be with a boy you are obsessed with but he doesn¡¯t love you, or would you choose a plain boy you just like him and he just likes you  What about the boys?  G said, I will choose the second one. After all, no matter how much I like the first type of boy, it is still a plain love.  You said, I might choose the first one.  Plain or not, the angle between you and g is not the same.  You start from the individual, and you look at it from the perspective of many, many people.  You look forward to the kind of intense love that will make your life colorful, but for G, no matter how soul-sweeping the love is, there is no difference between thousands of loves.  G said, at least you have intense love.  You said that it was because it didn't exist that you made such a choice.  No matter how good or talented a person is, to you, it will always make you feel so flat and unattractive ¡ª¡ª a strong attraction beyond hormones.  That's why you are obsessed with the original things, and that's why you are obsessed with making deceased masterpieces, and disdain the works of everyone who is trying to surpass their predecessors.  It is also a fatal flaw, narrow psychology and thinking.

    You thought you didn't know anything about guitar, but when you answered questions to g, you found that you knew a little bit.

    You moved a stool and sat on the balcony, wearing the artistic glasses you just made yesterday, and started playing the guitar seriously.

    At that time, the big tree outside the balcony was just covered with extremely green new leaves, the birds on the tree were singing as usual, the wind chimes next door made ethereal sounds due to the appropriate breeze, and the orange sunlight on the balcony  There is no temperature, as if it exists there to match your performance.  In a trance, the top of the big-frame glasses hit a good angle to produce a refraction phenomenon. Where you can see the insignificant astigmatism in your peripheral vision, your heart feels a kind of purity and clarity.  If you are the kind of person who likes clear running water, you should be able to understand the feeling of incomparable clarity and coolness.  The heart becomes transparent in an instant.  It was a wonderful feeling, everything was fantastic.  You said, you really want to live with a little fantasy.  You haven't smoked, you haven't been on drugs, but the movie says it's hallucinatory.  Perhaps the hallucinations naturally produced by oneself have that kind of taste. Living in a place where human eyes cannot recognize and knowledge has not yet reached, the principle of certain aspects is the same.  You said that "fantasy" is not the real scene displayed in the mind, but "fantasy" itself, which makes reality subtle in the mind.  It's just the reality seen in the eyes, and the fantasy is infiltrated unconsciously, which will make the reality dreamy and beautiful.  However, that is only the mood that can only appear when the right fusion of emotion and scenery is just right for a moment.

    You said, for you, this is really the way to go!  The struggle of being too attached to a certain thing and being deeply caught in the throat is too helpless for you. When a certain destination to be reached is blocked, look for thousands of other possible ways to reach it.  The lifestyle of the path to the destination is freedom.  Before that, you must have the ability to see thousands of possibilities.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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