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Drums

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    Chen Lin was sleeping on the floor, and Xie Fan was nestled on the sofa.  The sound of Li Xiu snoring in the bedroom could be heard in the living room without the lights on, and Chen Lin turned over.

    "Why did you run away from home?" Chen Lin asked with his eyes open.

    Xie Fan didn¡¯t look back on the sofa. The electric blanket gradually heated up. He pulled up the quilt and pretended to be asleep.

    "We are brothers." Chen Lin said quietly, "Stop using lies to prevaricate others."

    Snow began to fall outside the window, slowly accumulating on the window sill.  The lights at the end of the dark alley flickered out, plunging the living room into deeper darkness.  Black made Xie Fan feel safe. He stared at the pattern on the back of the sofa in front of him and finally slowly recalled something.

    "I never thought about running away from home" Xie Fan lost the protective color on his playful smile, like a lonely clown who wiped off his exaggerated makeup.  "I'm just trying to get my bearings back," he said.

    Xie Fan sat up, touched a cigarette in the dark, and bit into his mouth, but did not light it.  He hugged his knees and wrapped himself tightly in the quilt, looked up at the snow on the window, and murmured dreamily, "I looked up at a person and dreamed of becoming this person. But I saw her fly away from my world, and the familiar place became strange," he said  The dream I had was like nonsense I don¡¯t know if I can still do it, I can¡¯t do anything without her.¡±

    Snowflakes suddenly flew up in front of his face, and Xie Fan felt that his school uniform jacket was suddenly blown backward.  He stood on a high-rise building and watched helplessly as the familiar white coat fell down. In just a moment, blood-red color exploded at the end of his field of vision.  He was pulled back, but he didn't want to retreat. He was hanging on the edge, unable to accept this moment.

    "Mom." Xie Fan called.

    He shook his hands in disbelief. He didn't catch anything.  The wind from the tall building blew through his fingertips forcefully, and every inch of it was cold to the center of his heart. He felt his stomach twisting violently, and he wanted to pursue it.

    The door of the emergency room blocked all eyes, and Xie Fan stayed there for a long time.  When he could see people, he could only hear his mother's rapid breathing through the ventilator.  The electrocardiogram was beating like a slowed-down drumbeat, and Xie Fan held her hand as if to say something to her.

    But it can¡¯t be done.

    He opened his mouth, and the sobs took over all the sounds. He lowered his head and said "Mom" while trembling.  He held her tightly, as if to pull her tight and ask her to stay a little longer.  Stay a little longer.  Her eyes were still so gentle, blurred by tears.  Her little finger rested lightly on his fingertips, as if hugging him and comforting him.

    The moment the beating sound stopped.

    Xie Fan felt that he had also stopped.  He could no longer see where the road ahead was. The figure he had been chasing since he became conscious was obscured by the falling wind and snow, and all the promised efforts disappeared.  The room suddenly became dark, and he held her hand alone and sat for a long time.  The smell of disinfectant water around him frightened him, and the hand he held was already cold. This place was like the corner of a horror game, and could no longer bring him pleasure or yearning.

    The hospital is a scary place.

    Xie Fan raised his head lonely, silently counting the falling snow outside the window.  He occasionally felt that he was very sick. He was afraid of tall buildings and wanted to sit in the wind of tall buildings, hoping to hear a little bit of his mother's voice.  Every time he sat on the roof, he fantasized about jumping down, embracing the cruel wind, crossing the thin line between life and death, and finding his lost mother and lost dream.

    The lighter was lit and the smoke went out.  Chen Lin leaned on the other end of the sofa, holding a cigarette in silence.  The smell of smoke drifted over, like the comfort of his silence.

    "You said you wanted to find your direction." Chen Lin said, "You still want to be a doctor."

    "But I'm afraid of the hospital." Xie Fan raised his hands silently and covered his eyes. "II can't go in since then. Every time I walk in front of it, I feel like vomiting. I tried closing my eyes.  , but it¡¯s no useI can¡¯t forget it.¡± He said mockingly, ¡°I can¡¯t do it.¡±

    Chen Lin is very clumsy at this point. At this time, he desperately hopes that he can learn a little bit of Su Boyu's emotional intelligence and can easily say convincing and comfortable words.  Now he could only sit in the dark, smoke out his cigarette, and feel a heavy sadness in his chest.

    "Being a doctor." Xie Fan said, "It's so simple to say People always tell me to cheer up, forget the past, and let time heal the scars. Every bowl of chicken soup is the same. They don't understand.  It's not like it opened a wound on me." He blocked his eyes, his voice trembling, "but it took everything away from me."

    Let escape become the norm and let the beat of drums blind you to sadness.  He retreated into his turtle shell and lied to himself that the beat of the drum was his heartbeat. He could still hold the drum stick and imagined that the lost person could come back.  He only calls his grandfather every time because, you still have three mouths to eat.  "

    Chen Lin did not insist on this matter. Xie Fan sat on the chair. Qin Zong bought some water. Xie Fan thanked him in a low voice, took it and drank a bottle of mineral water.  There was sweat on his back, whether it was because of nervousness or something else. In short, the calmness just now passed, and now the hand holding the bottle was still sweaty.

    Li Xiu opened the first aid box he took out from the old man's body and found a label inside. "There is also a phone number here. Try calling this."

    Qin Zong took the call and went to the window at the end to make a phone call to contact the other party's family.  Ruan Si sat down next to Xie Fan, who had already finished a bottle of water.

    "Take a deep breath." Ruan Si said and handed him a handkerchief, "You are sweating profusely."

    Xie Fan took the handkerchief and looked at Ruan Si with an expression that made him want to cry and laugh at the same time, "You still have a handkerchief."

    "My dad's habit." Ruan Si leaned back in his chair.

    Xie Fan lifted up his soaked hair, his back bent like a shrimp in the smell of disinfectant.  He propped himself up on his legs and began to say nothing.

    Qin Zong came back and sat next to Ruan Si and said, "The other party will be here soon." He paused, "I just heardthe first aid doctor is Professor Xie Yisheng."

    "Ah." Xie Fan held his head, "My grandpa my last name is my mother's." Then he just held his head with tears streaming down his face, " he is also my mother's emergency doctor.

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    A bamboo horse that doesn¡¯t drive is not a good bamboo horse!

    After passing the college entrance examination, we will go to Qiu Mingshan. Will we use private messages on Weibo then

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