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Chapter 10 The road has been difficult and the light has been greeted

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    ?

    This is the monologue of the girl just now.

    I am writing a diary, and it has been a long time since I have written a diary.  Writing a diary is like the kind of thing that a little girl who just fell in love will do, and the last time I wrote a diary was probably in my previous life.  I used to like it very much, but now I gradually don't like to pour out the sadness in my heart. Even if I tell these secrets to the diary, I am afraid, and I am afraid that the diary will betray me.  What I am writing now is just to make myself feel better and to get myself out of the darkness.

    It seems that everyone knows that my character is very extreme, because I am Jiang Zhishang.  I do things very extreme, because I am Jiang Zhishang.  My temper is very irritable and unpredictable, and that is also because I am Jiang Zhishang.  I am destined to be me, a unique me.  I was doomed not to blend in with others.  Sometimes I thought about giving up, but many times I survived for various reasons.  It's not because I still have much hope for life, it's just because I don't want to die yet, I'm just looking for an excuse, an excuse that allows me to live and find a better way to die.  Later, I also thought about a lot, such as living.  Survival is not an easy thing.  I don't know if it's my independence, or it's a habit I developed when no one helped me. In short, I prefer to rely on my own efforts and everything I have won with my own hands.  I don't like to open my hand to ask others for things, because it feels like begging, and others' giving is like pity for you. Whether you have it or not, it is a kind of charity.  I am a person who would rather starve to death or die of illness than accept alms from others.  Maybe it's because I've been pretending to be tough for too long, I almost forgot how fragile I was back then.

    I feel sorry for many people, first of all my sister, Xiaoqiang, she is the most important person in my life.  She is my sunshine, my air, and my rain. Without her, there would be no me.  If there is no her, then, I can no longer live.  I have thought of many endings. What would happen to me if the gun died one day?  Would he choose the same way of death to stay with her?  I don't know because I know we're all fine now, it's just that I haven't seen her in a long time.  It's not a pity, it's just a point in my life that isn't quite right.

    Secondly, the person I am sorry for is Yan Zhenzhen.  I have to admit, I never took advantage of her, and never underestimated her.  I regard her as my best friend, and I can't hide anything in my heart. I treat her heart and soul, and in the end, just as she said, I am sorry for her.  I did not decisively steal her man, nor did I decisively spread those rumors.  On the contrary, I would rather sacrifice myself for them, and I told her too.  Later, the ending evolved into that I am the third party, and I am the most heinous person in the world.  But no matter what, the past is the past.

    There are many people I care about, such as Tu Zhe.  I have never cared so much about a person of the opposite sex, never cared so much about a person of the opposite sex, I have given everything I can for him, but what he likes is still not me, for example, we just broke up.

    I have never been afraid of the hardships on the road.  Because it was only later that I discovered that hardships are not the most important thing, but everything you have experienced on this road full of hardships and thorns.  All this is wealth, but also painful memories.  Sometimes pain and reminiscence will make my head clearer and I will know what I should say next.  I am often stuck in memories and cannot extricate myself, but I never long for others to rescue me.  Because I don't like other people's charity and pity, even at the cost of my own life.  I don't regret anything I've done.  On this road, when I was alone, when I was walking in the dark night, I imagined that there was light, I imagined the hope ahead, so I came here in such a daze.  It may be unbelievable, but I know that what I have experienced will be called a solid foundation for what I should do in the future, so as not to become a cripple when I fall down.

    After that, I felt that the only person I was sorry for was myself.  I used to draw up many kinds of plans for myself, such as devil-like training, but I never insisted on it. At most, I just insisted on doing it for a week or two, and then gave up quickly.  It's not that my perseverance is bad, it's just because of a very simple reason.  That is, the things I don't like, I never insist on.  If I love you very much, then I will always insist on liking you.  For example, Tu Zhe, Tu Zhe was so good back then, he always liked to wear a school uniform with a white shirt underneath, and he always liked to smile at others.  But later, he changed.  He loves to smoke, loves to hang out with girls, loves to fight, loves to dye his hair, loves to be in groups, loves everything that I don't love.  But I still like him, and I still like him so unremittingly, as if I don't like him anymore.??, I will die.  As for Xiaoqiang, she is my older sister, and I will naturally not give up. Although the ending is too comical, I still care.  I care about everyone who passes through my life.

    To a certain extent, this is stubbornness, stubborn stubbornness.  I am not afraid of what others say, I am not afraid of being scolded by others, and I am not afraid that others will not understand me. I just want to be worthy of my heart. Gradually, I get used to everything like this, and I feel that everything is okay and doesn't matter.

    As for him, Xu Xuan'er, I actually don't know if I don't care about him.  Our acquaintance was originally only because of an accident, an accident that will definitely happen.  But I don't know why, when it came to Xu Xuan'er, it was no longer an accident, but a fate.  If there is no fate between us, how can we talk about it, but I don't believe in fate.

    If I don't believe in something, no one can force me to believe it.  Later, it was an accident, because I knew what Xu Xuan'er thought of me, but I didn't want to delay him. I told him so many times, but he never listened carefully. So,  Simply ignore him.  That's a great way to do it.  But what I didn't expect was that in the end, it became me to beg him, begging him to take care of Doudou, begging him to help find a job, and I suddenly felt a little ashamed.  When I feel that I can no longer think about other things, I will let myself sleep a lot.

    Again, this is a well-known thing.  That's because I'm lazy, maybe I'm not lazy, and it's not that I don't want to move, it's just that I don't want to waste my energy on unnecessary movements.  For example, eating.  Eating is troublesome, you have to do it after eating, you still have to eat, and you have to clean up after eating, it is better to be hungry.  So, maybe that's why I'm skinny.  But I have also fantasized many times, if someone kindly cooks for me, or if I am not so strong from the beginning to the end, will I not be hungry?  For example, I can ask Yan Zhenzhen to accompany me, and we cook and eat together.  When it comes to eating and cooking, the only thing I am good at is braised pork, but in my many years of practice, I have only succeeded in making delicious braised pork twice.  Ordinary people don't even want to eat the meals I cook.  Even Jiang Feng (father) didn't eat it, unless you are an important person to me, no matter whether the food is good or not, in short, if you eat it, it can only show that I care about you.

    No one is perfect, and I am not perfect.  Many people hate me because I am Jiang Zhishang.  I know everyone who hates me, I know what each of them is saying behind my back, and I always smile at all of this, don't push me into a hurry, if you are in a hurry, there are many things  , I didn't need anyone to remind me, I made it all at once.  Then, you only have time to regret it.  Those who talk about me behind my back, I don't blame, I don't mention it, it's not because I don't care, it's just that I don't want to make trouble for nothing, and I don't want to waste my time and energy.  But this does not mean that I am a sheep at the mercy of others.  I remember the most violent quarrel I had with others was with Zhang Tingting.  The reason for the quarrel is very simple, it is because of a misunderstanding.  The reason for the fierce quarrel is because I don't like others to frame me, especially the kind of people who slander others even if they fail to do so.  For that kind of person, I never refuse to let go.  If the conditions allowed that day, I would most likely rush to fight directly.  I have never been a rationalist.  I have always liked my own feelings, and I like to use my own feelings to determine what I will do next.

    Don't give up easily if things don't reach the last step.  Because you never know what will happen next, only if you are always on guard against others, you will live in peace forever.

    Maybe, I should stop writing here, but life is a race that will never stop, as long as you keep running, no matter how fast or slow you are, one day you will be able to rely on your own efforts to get your own ranking.

    (This monologue mainly talks about some characters and some things experienced by the heroine in a story "Ups and Downs". It's just that these things are more general, roughly, and detailed, and you should read them from this book  , more details, I can¡¯t remember. Now, Jiang Zhishang¡¯s story starts again, but she is no longer that girl, and now the heroine is Ning Yige, Gege, who has a relationship with Jiang Zhishang  There is a great connection, that's why I put them together to write.) (Remember the website address of this website: www.hlnovel.com
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