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Chapter 117 Belated Confession

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    In fact, Xiaoxin and I know that we contact her occasionally, because sometimes I avoid her to answer the phone, and sometimes when I read some text messages, the change of expression on my face reveals the inner world, but she often does not expose it.  I used to quarrel with me because of these things. I often knew I was wrong and kept silent. When I couldn't bear it, I would slam the door and go to get drunk alone.

    On this weekend, Ouyang Yu and I agreed to take a hot spring together.  Enjoying this kind of life has always been my dream. I like a free, romantic, comfortable and relaxed life, and she will enjoy it with me as long as she has time.  The two of them were laughing and laughing along the way, and suddenly I received a text message, and when I opened it, I immediately became nervous. It was a text message from Xiaoxin, saying that she had remitted the 30,000 yuan to my account.  Seeing the change in my expression, Ouyang Yu took a look at the phone, was very displeased, and asked what was going on.  When I told the truth, Ouyang Yu became jealous and said very angrily: "Since you care about her so much, then go back to her!"

    I explained a lot, and I hope she understands again. After all, she is just a normal woman, she also has her temperament, and love is all selfish.

    Ouyang Yu didn't listen to my explanation, turned the car around at the nearest place, and drove back quickly, the two of them were silent all the way.  I did hurt two women at the same time, and I felt guilty and blamed Xiaoxin, so as long as Xiaoxin was in trouble, I would definitely help her.  I also feel guilty towards Ouyang Yu, she trusted me sincerely, but I still hurt her.  I was in love with two women at the same time, destined to hurt them at the same time.  This romantic trip to the hot spring ended like this. When I got home, I took out my suitcase and packed it. Maybe only by leaving Ouyang Yu can I stop hurting her, otherwise I will continue to hurt her. I don¡¯t think I can be so selfish anymore  , You should have a clear understanding of yourself, and you should not be so shameless in order to satisfy your own selfish desires.  Seeing me packing my luggage, Ouyang Yu's already slightly calm mood became agitated again.

    "What do you want to do?" She asked excitedly.

    "I'd better move out, sorry!" I whispered, not having the courage to look her in the eye.

    "Am I telling you to move? Why are you doing this to me?" she began to cry.  I hugged her quickly, she struggled to break free, and I hugged her even tighter.

    "I'm not going, I'm not going, okay? I'll be with you." It was the first time I saw Ouyang Yu panic because of me crying, and this crying also proved that she really loved me.

    The two people were together because of physical pleasure at the beginning, and later they lived together after a long period of contact, and they had a deep relationship between them day and night, and this relationship was no longer based on physiological instinct.  I know this.  From the very beginning, I knew that I couldn't hurt her, she was kind, and her kindness to me was accumulated bit by bit.  There are many men who pursue her, and I have met several times, but she refuses them all, and I know she is sincere.  Especially when she is free, she takes care of everything at home, never asks me to do any housework, and takes good care of me. I see this in my eyes and keep it in my heart.  Facing two kind-hearted women at the same time, I am at a loss

    After a long time, Ouyang Yu stopped crying and said, "I understand your feeling of helping her, but please also understand my feelings, okay? I'm afraid of losing you. Apart from my ex-husband, you are the second man in my life.  The man I love, love, and trust most in this life, I just want to be with you in this life, don't leave me, okay?" Her eyes were full of pleading and love, I didn't know how to answer, and hugged her even tighter  Tight, it seems that the two are stuck together forever and will never be separated.  The turmoil finally passed, Xiaoxin knew that Ouyang Yu and I were together.  She gradually stopped hiding and hoped that I would return to her. This kind of emotional entanglement made me even more panicked.

    After going through all this, I got farther and farther away from Xiaoxin, and closer and closer to Ouyang Yu. Ouyang Yu was desperate for me and pinned all her hopes of love in her life on me. Such a strong love fire made me unable to extinguish it.  As for Xiaoxin, I can only owe her in this life, and I can only repay it in the next life.

    ?Because of the business relationship, Ouyang Yu was on a business trip, and she wanted me to accompany her. I agreed, and this time the relationship between the two of them deepened.  Before the new year, I went back to my hometown again. Qinger didn't pick me up at the airport, she got married.  I bless her from the bottom of my heart and hope she is happy in this life.  My best friend, Ah Feng, greeted me at the airport, but he never saw anyone except a few good friends from college.  Ah Feng hopes that I will come back and develop together, and I want to come back too. I am so tired of wandering outside these years, and coupled with the chaotic emotional situation, I am physically and mentally exhausted, and I have already thought of leaving.  I went there because of Xiaoxin, but now I can't give her an explanation, she should leave, and there is no reason to stay any longer. Feelings are a very important part of my life.  A few good college classmates also hope that I will come back, and they will start a company together. They even have the project and funds ready, so they hope that I will come back and work together. I am still hesitating.Among them, leaving also requires a lot of determination, and there are so many emotional entanglements.

    Qing'er took the initiative to meet me at a coffee shop we used to frequent.  She has changed, she dresses maturely, speaks calmly, and considers things more thoughtfully.  I was both surprised and delighted.  She asked about my current situation, especially about emotional matters, but I always kept secrets and dared not tell her the truth.  I also went home to visit my mother. My mother was worried about my life-long affairs.  The holiday will end soon, and my mother hopes that I will leave after the new year, but the holiday is limited, so I have to say goodbye.

    Ouyang Yu took her daughter Lan Lan back to her hometown.  I can finally breathe a sigh of relief, be quiet for a while, and wake myself up well.  Xiaoxin called me and said that she also celebrated the New Year alone, and hoped to have the New Year¡¯s Eve dinner with me, and I agreed.

    On the night of New Year's Eve, the streets were deserted, but the restaurants were still very lively. Xiaoxin and I came to the restaurant in Lubei.  The dishes ordered by the two were not many, but they were very delicate. Homemade Jiangtuan fish, braised lion head, boiled beef, bean sprouts in soup, garlic lettuce, and a bowl of glutinous rice balls for each person.  There was a lot of noise around, I tried my best to find a topic to ease the atmosphere, and Xiaoxin brought me some food.  I feel bad when I eat glutinous rice balls. Eating glutinous rice balls during Chinese New Year is a custom in many places. It is eaten during the New Year¡¯s Eve dinner and also on the first day of the Lunar New Year. It represents the meaning of "reunion".  After dinner, it was late at night, the lights on the bus stop were on alone, and the figures of two people stood upside down in front of them, seemingly so close, but so far away.  I decided to send her home and then go home by myself. Xiaoxin was very happy. She hoped that I could accompany her to listen to the New Year's bell.  When I got to the dormitory, I wanted to leave, but Xiaoxin refused to let me. In the end, I turned around and left with tears in my eyes.  My guilt is too deep, it is self-blame from the depths of my heart, which makes me restless forever.  My tears, with guilt, self-blame, remorse, and a little helpless.

    The New Year's bell rang, and the sound hit my soul. I turned off the lights, went to the grass outside the house, faced the west, put my hands together, and knelt on the ground to pray silently, "I wish my relatives and friends  A safe, healthy and happy life, I wish Xiaoxin and her family safe, healthy and happy, I wish Ouyang Yu and her family safe, healthy and happy, I wish everyone" I did not wish myself, but cursed myself.

    I didn't sleep all night, smoking one cigarette after another, waiting until dawn, calling my mother for New Year's greetings as soon as possible, and then calling relatives, friends and Ouyang Yu.  After I finished, I took a shower, changed into clean clothes, and went to Hongfa Temple alone to pray for the blessing of the Bodhisattva and the Lord Buddha's tolerance, and accept God's punishment.

    On the first day of the new year, there were so many people offering incense, and there was a long queue of people waiting for the bus, so I decided to go.  On the way, people kept asking him, "Do you believe in Buddhism?" I replied, "I don't believe in Buddhism, I just have spiritual sustenance."  Need.  Faith is your service to him, sustenance is his service to you.  But almost all the people who burn incense and worship Buddha say: "Pray to the Lord Buddha to bless me."  , but what you give is far less than what you ask for from the Lord Buddha, and what you donate is only given after you have received a lot.  So everyone is just spiritual sustenance.  Those who truly believe in Buddhism are those who chant scriptures, clean temples and promote Buddhism every day.  That is their belief. Only after they take the initiative to pay more can the Lord Buddha reward them. They don't ask for more or less in return, but give silently without complaint or regret.

    I came to the gate of Hongfa Temple, stood quietly under the mountain gate, bowed my head, closed my eyes, put my hands together in front of my chest, took a deep breath, calm and rapid breathing, entered the state of my self, and could not see the bustling people around me  There are so many people, I can't hear the people around me, only the sound of nature A few minutes later, I moved my heavy steps and walked to the mountain gate. I took three incense sticks at the gate, lit them, and began to worship each Buddha.

    I knelt on the ground, held the incense above my head, and prayed devoutly in my heart: "Lord Buddha, please bless my family and my friends for a safe life. I pray that you will bless Ouyang Yu and her family with health and happiness.  Xin and her family are happy and healthy, I pray that you will punish me as a sinner Let them get all the happiness, and let me bear all the sins Please accept my request" In front of every Buddha, I have to stand  I recited those words in my heart countless times. In the end, my hands were stiff, my legs were sore, and my knees were sore, but I still continued to worship.  When I finished worshiping the last Buddha, looked back at Hongfa Temple, and was still repenting in my heart, a young monk came over, clasped his hands together and saluted me, then took out a string of black beads and handed it to me, saying: "This is  My master gave it to you, bless you safe."

    I stood there in amazement, held the prayer beads in my palm, put them on my chest, and saluted three times.  Xiaoxin called me in the evening, hoping that I would accompany her to Happy Valley the next day, and I agreed.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com)??(Remember this website URL: www.hlnovel.com
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