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Chapter 11 Drinking Poison to Quench Thirst

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    I didn't go to school anymore. I hid in the room and took out the cigarettes that my father had collected during his lifetime, hoping to use them to relieve my pain just like my father.  It turned out to be very disappointing, it didn't work that much.  I couldn't find anything to vent at all, I felt so painful, I tore my clothes in pain like a madman, hugged myself tremblingly, let the weakness get some support, I felt the smoke marks left by my father on my arm.  I laughed, for the first time in days.  I lit the remaining cigarette butt, took a deep breath, and pressed the red cigarette butt down on my arm.  "Ah" I sighed contentedly, like a drug-addicted prisoner who finally finds the drug.

    I torture myself every day to have some pleasure.  Some people wonder why I don't die?  I really didn't have that much courage to die. I was afraid of death, and I was afraid of seeing my father's swollen face after being soaked in water for a long time.  I crawl out of my room to get something to eat at a certain time every day.  My mother was like a stranger to me at home, she didn't talk to me, she just walked in the room and kitchen until night.

    One day, I stopped hearing footsteps from outside the room.  I was too lazy to look, and I didn't want to move.  Suddenly, there was a pungent smell in the room.

    "Gas!" I quickly got up and stumbled to open the door.  A thick gust of gas came blowing towards us.  The doors and windows of the room are tightly closed.  I clutched my nose and rushed to the kitchen, stunned.  Mom lay motionless on the kitchen floor.

    "Mom" Tears welled up in my eyes, I rushed over to hug her and kept shaking her to wake her up.  I am afraid to face a cold corpse again.

    "Mom, wake up! Mom, don't scare me! Please wake up."

    Mom opened her misty eyes slightly, moved her mouth, and said something very lightly.  I can hear it clearly, like a seal knife carving my heart stroke by stroke.

    "I want to die." She passed out in my arms.  My mother's last words lingered in my ears like a curse, choking me.  I can't let her die, I can't, I'm too alone.

    I picked her up drowsily, staggered to the door, opened the door with difficulty, stumbled and moved downstairs, and fell on the road in the community. The moment I fell, I protected my mother with my body and screamed with the last strength  He said: "Help my mother" and fell to the ground.

    "Mom!" I woke up crying from the nightmare, and found that the surroundings were pale, and the sky outside was also bright and pale.  I curled up tremblingly, gritted my teeth, and trembled endlessly

    At this time, a clinical nurse came over.

    "Feeling better? You're gas poisoned, but luckily it's not too heavy. But there's still"

    "Where is my mother? How is she?" I sat up and interrupted the nurse. I didn't want to know what was wrong with me. Life and death are nothing to a person like me, not to mention that I can't die at all.

    "She is in some trouble." The nurse couldn't bear to look at my distorted face, and pretended to help me pull the quilt and said, "She has deep gas poisoning. Although she entered the hyperbaric oxygen chamber, there may be some sequelae. Long-term treatment is needed."

    "No!" I burst into tears and beat my head in pain, "Why not me, why? It's all because of me."

    "Don't be like this, you are also poisoned, and your body is very weak!" The nurse grabbed my hand vigorously.

    The noise in the ward attracted other medical staff.

    "What do you want to do? Don't save your mother if you want to die." An older middle-aged woman said to me fiercely.

    "Is she still saved?" I suddenly became sober.

    "I can't die, but my intelligence will be affected, and I will lose my memory temporarily." The middle-aged woman seemed to have seen through the birth, old age, illness and death of so many people coming and going, and said calmly, "Your mother needs constant care in this situation, I will see you off."  The neighbor who came said that your father passed away. If you don¡¯t take care of your son, there will be no one to take care of you. If you plan to die, we don¡¯t waste any more time saving your mother.¡± Her harsh words irritated my nerves severely, but I knew  Everything she said was true.

    I am silent.  The surrounding medical staff saw that I was no longer making trouble, and gradually dispersed.  Only the original nurse remained with me.  She looked at me with pity.

    "Can I see her?" I asked calmly, looking up.  "You put on some clothes, and I'll take you there." The nurse handed me a hospital gown.  I put it on obediently, without saying a word, obediently followed her through the cold and narrow passages to the intensive care unit.

    Outside the glass wall, I saw my mother lying peacefully with an oxygen tube inserted, as if isolated from the world because of this piece of glass.  But is that still my mother?  I can't recognize her now, there are a lot of white hairs protruding from the dark hair, the red and full cheeks are sunken, and the eyes are bigger.

    I can't see any anger on her face?If it wasn¡¯t for the beating signal of the surveillance equipment next to her, I thought she was dead like her father again.

    I can't go in, and I dare not go in.  I touched her outline on the window, and tears flowed into my mouth again.  I turned around, ignored the nurse, and walked back to the ward the same way I remembered.  She quickly followed me and watched me lie back on her hospital bed like a zombie, staring at the ceiling.

    She was a little worried, she stood next to me for a while or left, because more patients needed her.

    I didn't move because I needed too much energy to think.  Thinking about the sweet love, dirty accusations, father's death, and mother's suicide in the past two months, I have suffered too much. It seems that life will never see the sun again. I am so tired and painful to live.  .  A strong mother who chooses to commit suicide must be as exhausted as I am, unable to find any meaning in life.

    But just watch her die like this?  Or should I jump off the roof of this building first to escape the suffering in this world.  Then I left the pain of this last life to the mother in the monitoring room to taste it alone.  I was shaking all over, it was so cruel.  It turns out that living in this world is the greatest punishment for people.  I decided to accept all punishment alone.

    At that moment, the sky finally dawned.  The first ray of sunlight in the morning shines on my body through the cracks in the curtains, without the slightest warmth, it just represents the beginning of my having to get up and be punished.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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