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Chapter 53

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    ?

    Xiaoshi felt a little embarrassed when asked this question.  She originally wanted to talk to Yi Yuan about her return to Yongde, but after much deliberation, she decided not to tell him to save trouble.

    It seems that since that deep-seated emotional injury, she has been used to facing all the opposite sex with an attitude of avoidance and absence, like a snail shrunk in its shell, thinking that if she does not look at the outside world, she will not be hurt again  .

    This is what Han Dong loves her most, and this is what Kang Ning can't stand her the most.

    "I'm here to visit my grandpa's grave." Xiao Shi heard herself say it lightly.

    Sure enough, Cheng Yiyuan still minded, and complained half-seriously to her with a stern face: "You knew I was in Yongde, but you didn't tell me when you came back. This time is too much."

    "I, I'll just stay for one night and leave. Think about it and don't bother you" Xiaoshi explained with a guilty conscience.

    Cheng Yiyuan stared at her dodging eyes, and after a while he said: "Okay", and then dropped another sentence: "But this matter can't be left alone."

    Xiao Shi was puzzled, but the man stopped looking at her, bent down on one knee, and carefully pulled out the weeds growing in front of the tombstone.

    His eyes are so focused, and deep sadness is hidden behind the dark gray pupils.

    Xiaoshi seemed to be infected by the emotion in his eyes, his heart became extremely solemn, and he couldn't help but look at the portrait of his grandma on the tombstone.

    The kindly-eyed old man smiled gratifiedly, calm and satisfied, such a heartfelt desire for nothing made people feel sad.

    Xiao Shi suddenly remembered the day before the summer vacation of the third grade, the day Wang Hongyuan's mother took him away from Yongde. She and a few classmates went to see him off.  The kind and capable little old lady aged a lot in an instant.

    After Cheng Yiyuan cleaned up the weeds in front of grandma's tombstone, he moved his body to pick up an adjacent tombstone.

    Xiaoshi looked over in surprise, the gray photo in the middle of the tombstone was a man in his prime, with a square face and plain facial features, he couldn't see any resemblance to Cheng Yiyuan.

    "This is my father." Cheng Yiyuan said lightly while picking up fallen leaves and withered grass in front of the monument.

    Xiao Shi did not have such a person in his memory, probably because his parents were working far away in Kunming when he was in elementary school, so he had never met him.

    "I don't know, your father has passed away."

    "Car accident." Cheng Yiyuan's answer was extremely short.

    He picked up the last dead leaf stuck in front of the tombstone, pinched it between his fingers and twirled it, and said vaguely: "It is said that blood is thicker than water, but I don't think it is true, some feelings are beyond blood."  , absolutely selfless."

    Xiaoshi didn't understand what he meant by this.

    The man's eyelids drooped, looking at the dead leaves in his hands, his slender eyelashes moved, as if his heart touched him.  In the end, he lingered on his father's portrait full of emotion, and whispered softly: "When I was young, my parents ran a small business in Kunming and left me with Yongde's grandma. My mother rarely came back to see me.  Only my dad often came back and brought me some food and play. My grandma kept telling me that my mom couldn¡¯t leave because of her busy business. Later, I realized that it wasn¡¯t the reason at all. She was afraid of facing  Me. Because I have an awkward identity."

    As he spoke, he stood up, crushed the dead leaf in his palm, and opened his palm again to let the debris disperse with the wind.

    Xiao Shi looked at his desolate gesture and had many doubts in her heart, but she didn't say anything, just kept silent with him.

    Cheng Yiyuan patted his palms clean, looked at the girl's messy hair from the mountain wind, and said softly, "Let's go."

    So, the two of them walked slowly along the path in the mountains, one behind the other, and the man pushed aside the branches and hanging vines for the woman behind him from time to time.

    "Do you know why I left Yongde suddenly that year?" Cheng Yiyuan asked suddenly.

    "Didn't you say to study in Kunming?"

    Yiyuan shook his head and chuckled, "Not at all, but went to the United States with my mother and Cheng Yongsheng. She was pregnant with Cheng Yongsheng's child at that time, who was my later sister, and divorced my father long ago, but I didn't  Just know."

    Xiaoshi thought, no wonder he disappeared without hearing from him once he left, and never came back.

    "My dad didn't let me go at first, but maybe he agreed to it because of my future. I will never forget that night, the moon was very round, with a faint orange color, and my dad was drunk  , holding me and crying, saying that he has nothing. But I finally left him, left grandma, and left Yongde."

    Cheng Yiyuan sighed for a long time, looked tired into the distanceThe tired tomb said: "It's just that I didn't expect that that farewell would be a forever farewell!"

    "I didn't catch up with my father's burial. I came back in a hurry, only to see the emaciated grandma. She looked very calm, and there were no tears in her decayed eyes, but I knew that it was the deepest despair. She  Tell me, after my mom and I left, my dad always drank, was in a trance all day long, rushed into the ditch while driving, and even if anyone caught it"

    Cheng Yiyuan refrained from the following words, and only said briefly: "Not long after that, my grandma also left."

    It seems that in this way, the unbearable past can be quickly ended.

    At this time, they had already walked out of the cemetery, sitting on a dilapidated bench, with an empty space in front of them, and in the distance were hillsides, stone steps, green pines and cypresses.

    Xiaoshi didn't know that the bright-looking person beside him had such a dark memory in his heart.  The turning point of his life experience, in the eyes of others, must be flying on a branch and turning into a phoenix, but in his own narrative, there is only sadness.  As he himself said, his experience in these years is an inspirational novel in the eyes of others, but to himself, it is a tragedy full of black humor.

    Cheng Yiyuan was silent for a moment, then raised his head and said: "For so many years, I have always had a knot in my heart. I always feel that the current me and everything I have now is in exchange for abandoning my father and grandma.  Their passing away one after another is the most thorough punishment for me, making me doomed to live in curse and regret for the rest of my life, without escape."

    "Don't think so, it's not your fault." Xiaoshi didn't know what else to say to comfort him.

    Regarding the pain of others, no matter how much the bystanders say, it is just scratching the surface.

    Cheng Yiyuan looked into the distance with bewildered eyes, and murmured, "It's not my fault, then whose fault is it? My mother? Or Cheng Yongcheng?" He shook his head and smiled, "Perhaps, they are the so-called true love.  I'm just not worth it for my dad, there are some things" He pondered for a long time, and finally said: "You don't know."

    Xiaoshi understands that what he doesn't talk about must be the past that no one else is allowed to touch.

    Moreover, she also noticed that Cheng Yiyuan always called Cheng Yongsheng by his first name, and the "father" he mentioned only referred to that ordinary man who used his broad shoulders to support his relatively perfect childhood.  .

    It can be seen that there is a difference between closeness and distance.

    Xiao Shi sighed and said: "Don't think too much, maybe, this is fate."

    "Then tell me, what is fate?" Cheng Yiyuan turned his head and looked at her, as if trying to find the answer from that clean face.

    Xiaoshi couldn't answer, because she didn't actually believe in "fate", and she always believed that things depend on human effort.

    Cheng Yiyuan was silent for a moment, and then answered for her: "The so-called fate is nothing more than cause and effect. If there is an effect, there must be a cause. It is the so-called karma."

    His eyes suddenly dimmed, with a mockery of everything, which made Xiaoshi feel completely strange.

    The air is gentle, but his lips are faintly blue, perhaps because the coldness in his heart seeps out and cannot be warmed.

    "The cause of their selfish love will surely become the fruit of my retribution." His tone was almost mournful, "After leaving Yongde, my life seemed to be cut apart. The wound was still bleeding, but it was exposed  In a cold and unfamiliar environment. I bear the unquestionable expectations of Cheng Yongsheng and accept the top-level training and learning that he arranged for me. There is no simple happiness in life. I feel like a bird whose feathers have been plucked  , locked in a beautiful cage, unable to fly again.¡±

    Cheng Yiyuan looked down at his expensive shirt, turned the well-crafted cuffs, and said: "I am now, in the eyes of others, glamorous, but I don't like myself like this. Living for others is very hard, but  It's meaningless. I just want to be an ordinary and free person and live a life of my own accord."

    He looked up to the sky and exhaled, and suddenly changed into a relaxed tone and said: "So later, I left, wandered out for half a year, and experienced many kinds of life"

    I see!  This is the real reason why he disappeared for half a year.

    Xiao is enlightened.  However, looking at the man's indifferent expression, she felt that there was a sense of responsibility that was almost fatal, so she couldn't help saying: "But you are still back."

    Cheng Yiyuan was taken aback for a moment, then smiled helplessly.

    He nodded and said, "Yes, there are some things that I can't avoid or escape. Just like Yijiang, I have put too much effort here, and there are people who are very important to me, and I can't let go."

    He slightly looked up at the clear blue sky, as if dreaming of the dream of flying freely, and said in a rather emotional tone, "I thought that a person could not choose his own origin, but at least he could choose the life he wanted. But now, I  I deeply understand that a person's birth determines his life. Therefore, I accept my fate."

    He withdrew his gaze looking at the sky, and then said: "I thought at the time, maybe my life has already been arranged, and there will be no more surprises, and there will be no real peace until I"

    He stopped talking suddenly, and turned his head to look at Xiaoshi. In the depths of his eyes, there was softness and brightness, dispelling the dark gray haze.

    "Until I met you again," he said.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com)??You can't choose your own origin, but at least you can choose the life you want.  But now, I deeply understand that a person's origin determines his life.  So, I resigned to my fate.  "

    He withdrew his gaze looking at the sky, and then said: "I thought at the time, maybe my life has already been arranged, and there will be no more surprises, and there will be no real peace until I"

    He stopped talking suddenly, and turned his head to look at Xiaoshi. In the depths of his eyes, there was softness and brightness, dispelling the dark gray haze.

    "Until I met you again," he said.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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