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207 Regret because of caring

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    In a blur, I seem to have returned to the moment when I just learned that my father had esophageal cancer.  After hearing the bad news, my sister and I were determined to take my father to Nanjing for treatment.  But later, because my father refused to go to Nanjing out of consideration of saving money for us, my determination began to waver.  I began to feel that there is nothing wrong with letting the doctors of the Municipal People's Hospital take a look at the situation first.  In my opinion, if my father's condition is so serious that the doctors at the Municipal People's Hospital cannot treat him, then they will naturally reject us, and it will not be too late for us to go to Nanjing again.  It's just that I completely overestimated the professional ethics of the doctors in the Municipal People's Hospital.  How could I have imagined that they would brazenly decide to have an operation without much certainty?

    My father's tumor was so big, I should have felt the seriousness of the situation at that time.  However, my vigilance is still not enough.  Under the premise that my father was resolutely unwilling to go to Nanjing, my attitude became hesitant.  In the words of my sister afterwards, if we insisted on going to Nanjing for medical treatment at that time, my father would have nothing to do.  However, I was not determined enough.  I just called my wife's cousin to inquire about the situation of esophageal cancer surgery in the Municipal People's Hospital. My wife's cousin said that our place is a high-incidence area for esophageal cancer, so the surgery in this area should be relatively mature.  Later, I learned that the so-called maturity of my wife's cousin was just the maturity of the relatively backward treatment methods compared with big cities.  Surgical methods that cause great harm to the body have basically been eliminated in large hospitals in big cities.

    Later, my father said that my legs were swollen, which made me nervous again.  For this reason, I made a special call to my wife's cousin.  The wife's cousin said that this should be caused by the low protein in the father's body.  Under my questioning, I know that the low protein is caused by cancer cells, and the low protein indicates that my father's cancer has reached a very dangerous level.  I regret that I didn't insist on going to Nanjing again after I learned about this situation.

    Thinking, thinking, my heart is full of regrets.  I regret that I was not decisive enough at the time, and I regret that I considered too many things at the time.  I actually gave up my firm plan to take my father to Nanjing for medical treatment because of my father's refusal to go to Nanjing and my brother-in-law and sister's lack of time.  For the sake of my father, I should have overcome all difficulties decisively at that time.  Thinking about it now, as long as my father can recover, I think it was worth it no matter how hard and tired I was.

    Having looked forward and backward, I finally decided to have the operation at the Municipal People's Hospital.  Before deciding to sign, I was also thinking about my father.  After all, there is still a chance of survival after surgery. If conservative treatment is chosen, then the death of his father will only happen sooner or later.  Moreover, at that time, the doctor also said that although the cost of surgery from the right side is higher, the success rate will be about 90%.  For the sake of my father, of course I will not consider the issue of money, as long as it is safer, the higher the cost, the higher the cost.  In my opinion, the 90% chance of success is totally worth the gamble.

    I regret that when I made my own decision, I didn't have the heart to guard against others.  I did not give serious consideration to the credibility of this doctor's words.  Under the premise that I generally have doubts about the medical ethics of doctors in the Municipal People's Hospital, I actually chose to believe that doctor's words.  I regret that I didn't keep calm enough at that time, I didn't carefully consider every sentence of the doctor, and I didn't figure out the real meaning of the doctor's key words.

    Now, when I think about it carefully, I realize that the doctor was suspected of deliberately misleading me to sign.  The 90% success rate he mentioned should only refer to this operation.  To put it simply, there is a ninety percent chance that my father will survive the operating table.  His success here refers to simply taking out the tumor.  As for whether there will be a recurrence after the operation, I guess the doctor is not even sure.  For these doctors, every time they perform an additional operation, they also earn an extra income.  As for whether surgery is more beneficial than harmful or harmful than beneficial to patients, it is not in his consideration.  The operation is risky, and the family members signed it voluntarily. Let alone a recurrence in the future, even if he really died on the operating table, he can completely shirk responsibility.  Only by truly experiencing it can we deeply understand the poor medical ethics of doctors in the People's Hospital.

    I secretly blamed the doctor's misleading, but more of it was regret.  I regret that I didn't ask clearly the real meaning of the "90% probability of success".  I regret that I lost the last precious opportunity to take my father to Nanjing for medical treatment.

    Facts have proved that the decision to operate on my father at that time was completely wrong.  The father's esophageal tumor was already very large, and there were signs of swollen legs, which were enough to indicate that his father's esophageal cancer had reached an advanced stage.  At that time, the risk of cancer cell metastasis after surgery was enormous.  Moreover, my father's esophageal tumor grew vertically, and the lower end of the tumor was already very close to the lungs, stomach and heart, the most important organs of the human body.? Pasted together.  After the operation, the doctor once said that because the esophagus tumor was close to the lung, in order to completely remove the visible tumor, he had to cut open the lobes of his father's lung.  Next to the tumor, after surgery, it would be strange if it did not metastasize to these important organs.

    Later, during the follow-up examination, it turned out that the stomach was the first place the tumor metastasized.  After that, my father coughed more and more, probably because the cancer cells had metastasized to the lungs.  During the final blood transfusion rescue process, my father died of suffocation due to massive lung hemorrhage.

    I regret why I signed it?  Why did you choose to operate for your father?  If there is no operation, at least the father will not have to endure so much pain; if the conservative treatment is given, then maybe the father can persist for several months.  There is no need to be so painful, and it is possible to accompany us for a whileWhy?  Why didn't I choose conservative treatment?  Regret, I really regret it!

    Later, when a well-meaning person in Murakami heard me say "I regret not treating my father conservatively", he asked me: "If you really treated conservatively, can you guarantee that you will not regret it?"

    This person is quite smart, and he didn't waste his time trying to persuade him uselessly, but instead asked a sharp retort.

    yes!  If it is really conservative treatment, will I regret it?  I fell into deep thought at that time.  The answer is of course yes.  I will definitely regret it!  At that time, I would think that if I had chosen to operate on my father, then maybe my father would have fully recovered by now.  In other words, no matter how I choose at the time, I will definitely regret it in the end.

    My father is the closest relative to me in this world. Because of the concern for my relatives, as long as my father does not recover in the end, no matter what I choose, I will always regret it.  The reason is actually very simple, "Because you care, you regret it."  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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