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131 Continuing Sadness

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    ?

    ? Come to the grave, put down the trolley, bring out the small table, and put six bowls of my father's favorite dishes on the table neatly.  In the middle, there is naturally a bowl of rice.  After inserting the chopsticks into the rice bowl, it means that the offering has officially begun.

    Without waiting for me to be free, under the instructions of my mother, I began to tidy up my father's grave with a big shovel.  At this moment, a kind of uncontrollable grief welled up in my heart involuntarily.

    "There is no place to talk about desolation in a lonely grave for thousands of miles", "There is no words for each other, but there are only tears for a thousand lines", Su Shi's sad and melancholy lyrics are the most appropriate portrayal of the emotions of the people present.  Although this poem was written by Su Shi for his deceased wife, his deep sorrow and longing for the most important person in his life after his death is no different from my state of mind at that time.

    My behavior in grief was completely subconscious.  When I stopped the shovel, the second uncle had already returned from the river.  The second uncle used a small shovel to dig up large and small rectangular prisms of mud by the river.  Seeing my finishing results, it is obvious that the second uncle is quite dissatisfied.  Therefore, I took the big shovel from me and reorganized my father's grave.  In their words, it is necessary to achieve the effect of "refurbishment".  The so-called "refurbishment" means that every inch of soil on the grave must be turned over, so that it looks like the entire grave has been put on a new dress.

    After the refurbishment was completed, the second uncle put the original "grave hat" on his father's grave (upper, lower, and lower square columns were stacked on the top of the entire grave, just like the hats worn by people, so it is called "grave hat"  ) aside, put the pre-cut red and green paper on the top of the grave mound, and finally press it with the square prism mud blocks just dug.  At this point, all the previous preparations for going to the new grave have been completed.

    Next, all we have to do is kneel down, melt coins and set off firecrackers.  I first kowtowed to my father's tombstone, and then lit all kinds of sacrificial objects piled up in one place.  When I was just lighting it, my mother suddenly fell down on my father's tombstone and burst into tears.

    Red and green paper, refurbishment, setting off firecrackers All of the above seem to want to make "going to the new grave" a happy event.  Therefore, the mother who was crying in grief seemed out of tune with the atmosphere at this time.  So, the wife who had kowtowed hurriedly took the crying mother back home while persuading her.

    Under the urging of my mother's crying, the sadness in my heart was like a firecracker being ignited, and it immediately reached the verge of explosion.  With incomparable perseverance, I finally held back the tears that were about to burst.  Looking back, I happened to see my sister's red eyes.

    After all the sacrificial items were completely burned, I kowtowed again.  While silently saying "Dad, take away the bowl" in my heart, I put the food in the basket again.  When I put the small table on the cart, I suddenly realized that the small stool I brought had not been put down.  No wonder I felt a little headache at that time.

    Actually, I am not superstitious at all.  It's just that whenever the father's matter is involved, the world view that I have adhered to for many years seems to undergo earth-shaking changes unconsciously.  According to the old folks in rural areas, if someone who passed away said a few words (this is called "ghost bumping"), they would feel a splitting headache.  At this time, you have to put a few chopsticks together into a bowl of water, and then dip your hands in water from top to bottom while silently chanting the names of the deceased ancestors.  If the chopsticks dipped in water happen to stick together and stand in the bowl when you say XX, it means that you have been chanted a few times by him or her.  At this time, as long as you sincerely transfer some ghost coins to the ancestor as a sign of apology, the headache will disappear immediately.  This behavior is called "stand bowl" by the locals.  This is a strange phenomenon that I only saw when I was very young.  Almost no one believes it anymore.  Someone once tried to "stand on a bowl" without a headache, and chanted different names casually, and some of them were even alive, and they would also appear to stand with chopsticks.

    Of course, I have never tried "stand bowl", even if I tried, I would not believe that this is true.  However, at that time, when I realized that I had made omissions in the worship process, I couldn't help but link it with my father.  From a psychological point of view, this may be due to the strong yearning for my father.

    My father was very fond of drinking, but I forgot to prepare a bowl for him during the worship; my father was short-tempered before his death, if he didn¡¯t prepare a seat for him when he was eating, he would definitely say hello.  Two sentences Based on my understanding of my father, if my father really has a soul, then my father will definitely say a few words in an annoyed manner for my mistake, but it will never be blamed.  Because the father has always been doting on his offspring.

    "Shangxin Grave" is actually a special way to pay homage to the deceased ancestors.  During the whole process of paying homage to my father, my heart was completely overwhelmed by "thoughts of my father".Deep sadness, deep longing all of them made me feel my heartache clearly. It is because of heartache that I can feel the traces left by my father.

    In the past year, many people in our unit passed away.  Among them even the youngest female department-level cadres.  However, time has passed, and now these deceased people have almost completely faded out of people's vision.  I don't know how many of their relatives still think of them from time to time.  I have such worries, worrying that my father will gradually fade from the depths of my heart For me who "sees my father as heaven", this is undoubtedly an extremely frightening thing.

    In this world, as long as you are a normal person, you will definitely not like "heartache".  I'm a normal person, and I certainly don't like it.  But compared with the fear of "forgetting my father", such pain will undoubtedly seem kind.  The lesser of two evils.  Therefore, I will practice the "dragging formula" for a long time.

    I procrastinated for a long time, and I wrote every day.  Between "procrastinating" and "writing", I deliberately continued the deep sadness caused by the deep thoughts of my father.  Only the "heartache" every day will make me feel fulfilled; only the "heartache" every day will continuously stimulate my thoughts of my father; only the "heartache" every day will strengthen my memory of my father In order to "keep  To "stay" with my father, of course, is only on the spiritual level, and I don't hesitate to "heartache"; in order to "keep" my father, I even started to like "heartache".  bring it on!  Let the "heartache" come more violently!  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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