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Chapter 824 - Thinking About Fearful Introspection

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    ?

    Could it be that he is perfect to satisfy Qing Yunfei?  He didn't seem to ask himself to change anything!

    When couples encounter friction, they should figure out the reasons for the differences, which is the second stage of a happy marriage: understanding differences.

    This stage is the same as described in "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". It really makes sense, but it's a pity that I always can't figure it out when things really happen.

    Because there are certain differences between men and women in terms of thinking, communicating and dealing with problems, and understanding the differences between men and women is the key to effectively handling conflicts.

    Just based on the theories I know now, it can be summed up into two points.

    The first point is that men and women have different ways of thinking and communicating.  Women think more emotionally, while men think more rationally.

    In other words, in married life, this situation often occurs: what I want to say is inconsistent with what you hear, and what you understand is not what I want to express at all.

    For example, on the topic of ordinary clothes, the communication barrier between men and women is like not being able to understand each other's potential voice.

    When a woman says "I have nothing to wear", it means that she has no new clothes to wear.  And when a man says, "I have nothing to wear," what he really means is that he has no clean clothes to wear.

    From this simple example, it can be seen that the reason for the poor communication between husband and wife is not because there is no way to communicate normally, but because you are not only used to seeing things from your own point of view, but also unwilling to reveal your feelings to the other party.  voice of the heart.  When the other party can't figure out your mind, a fierce quarrel begins.

    Therefore, every time if you directly express your thoughts to Qing Yunfei, the probability of getting a response is very high.

    Sometimes, he will suddenly open up and come up with a surprise.

    And I was addicted to Qing Yunfei's enlightenment, forgetting that most of the time he was not enlightened.

    The second difference is that men and women deal with problems differently.

    When most men face problems, they tend to choose to suppress their emotions. In their view, they are rational animals that will not be shaken by emotions.

    And when most women face problems, they will choose to ask the people around them for help.

    In real life, whether men face sadness, fear, loneliness or happiness, they often choose to hide these delicate emotions deep in their hearts to make themselves look like a man.

    But women are different, they usually choose to release their inner emotions by talking or venting.

    This is the cave theory. Men's emotional avoidance character determines that when they encounter problems, they will choose to close themselves immediately. This is an instinctive reaction and self-defense mechanism that they cannot control themselves.  Because they feel that avoidance can avoid making the conflict more intense.

    Whenever Chu Lihua was angry, Qing Yunfei went to the side to calm down and wait.  But Chu Lihua was expecting that Qing Yunfei would take the initiative to coax her and explain clearly.

    In the final analysis, it is that empathy has not been done properly.

    I asked the other party to solve the problem from my own point of view, but forgot that I should also consider it from the other party's point of view.

    Thinking of this, Chu Lihua took a piece of paper.  Write down your thoughts so you can refer to them the next time you sulk when something goes wrong.

    after all.  A good memory is not as good as a bad pen, and seeing is believing can actually be used in this way.

    Finding paper and a pen, Chu Lihua thought about it and began to write.

    The bed table was used, Chu Lihua remembered again.  This is what Qing Yunfei repaired for himself.

    With a sweet mood, Chu Lihua began to write.

    First of all, respect the differences between men and women, and guide the other party to express their emotions appropriately.

    Although Qing Yunfei does not express their emotions easily, when they cannot control themselves, they often vent their dissatisfaction by judging external "facts".

    That is to say, whether it is for a specific situation or their own inner feelings, they are used to explaining it with the help of external facts.

    For example: When an impolite child stains your shoes on purpose, when you face this situation yourself, you usually complain, "This kid is really going to piss me off".

    However, under the same circumstances, Qing Yunfei would probably say, "Children nowadays are really uneducated."

    This is also what I often say that Qing Yunfei loves to shirk responsibility. In fact, he just expresses it differently???

      Chu Lihua specially bolded three exclamation marks to warn herself.

    Chu Lihua figured it out, she would directly express her unpleasant emotions, while Qing Yunfei shifted the focus to the outside.

    So in the future, when Qing Yunfei starts to express his emotions by commenting on objective facts, and transfer his inner conflicts to the outside world, you just need to nod in agreement with him, and then change the subject naturally.

    If I need to express my emotions, I will tell Qing Yunfei directly, "I need understanding and comfort, and I need my husband's emotional echo and support. I don't need you to reason with me. At this time, reasoning is right.  For me, it's a different kind of injury."

    The second point is that both husband and wife should learn to think differently and regard each other as their most respected friend.  Since there are great differences between men and women in dealing with problems, when there are quarrels in marriage, if you can put yourself in another place and think about these differences, the problems between you will be resolved more smoothly.

    If you don't respect the differences, couples who are unwilling to empathize will make the relationship between the two intensify.

    I saw a joke on the Internet before, which is the best example.

    After a husband and his wife had a quarrel, there was a company dinner that night, so the husband drank to relieve his worries and hitchhiked home with a female colleague in the unit. After the wife saw it, she thought her husband had cheated.

    At that time, although the husband was a little drunk, his mind was still sober. Facing his wife's questioning, he only replied that he was just a colleague and went to bed.

    The next day, the husband thought the matter was over, but the wife cried to her cousin and family.  The matter between the two people suddenly rose to the level between the two families, and finally got into trouble.

    At that time, it was just a matter of laughing it off.  When you think about it carefully, they are all real examples in life.  Because men and women deal with problems differently, a small thing in life is likely to be infinitely magnified.

    Therefore, we must take warning!

    Thinking about it carefully, it should be used in this scene.

    After Chu Lihua wrote it, in order to warn herself, she deliberately posted it on the wall.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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