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Chapter 384

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    ?

    In other words, men will say, you are just washing clothes, cooking, and taking care of the children at home, so what's the hard work.

    Therefore, the marriage that Chu Lihua wants is the kind of marriage where you and I are evenly matched, working hard together for the small family, including the children, who are also raised together.  Men must understand the hardships involved.

    Of course, regarding the betrothal gift, Chu Lihua still couldn't deny it.  Once you accept someone's gift, doesn't it mean that the other party has "bought" you?  In this way, it will appear that the woman is very passive.

    ¡ª¡ª"Actually, I think two people are going to get married, why should the man give the woman a sum of money for no reason?

    Of course, nowadays, many betrothal gifts are no longer in the form of naked cash or bank cards, but "invisible betrothal gifts":

    The man needs to pay the down payment for the house, solve the household registration problem for the woman, or find a stable and leisure job for the woman, etc.  In essence, it is the man who wants to provide the woman with convenient material or living conditions.

    Of course, most of the women¡¯s families will return the gift, but there is an unwritten principle to abide by: the woman¡¯s return gift cannot be more than the man¡¯s.  Otherwise, "if you marry a girl, you will have to post it upside down", and you will lose face in front of your relatives and friends.

    I have also heard those so-called experienced people say: "Ask for a bride price is just to do as the Romans do, you don't have to think so much." Even if this is just a custom, but the meaning behind the custom-marriage means sacrifice for a woman, I can't agree with it.

    In the past, married women had to bear the responsibility of bearing children and taking care of the family.  As its economic return and spiritual appeasement, bride price was born.

    I am not willing to accept the bride price born in this context, nor do I want to acquiesce in this discourse system psychologically.

    Even today, when the sexes are more equal, the values ??behind this discourse system still exist in disguise.  You will often hear people who are talking about dowry gifts saying angrily: "You want me to pay 300,000 yuan? Why don't you check whether your conditions are worth it?"

    In this logical system, no matter whether the woman "asks" or the man takes the initiative to give, the amount of the bride price will be subconsciously evaluated as equivalent to the woman's appearance, education, work and family conditions.  There is even a paradoxical reality that "the higher the bride price, the higher the girl's worth".

    As a living, flesh-and-blood person with emotion and soul, I don't want to be evaluated in this way, and I don't want to be "exchanged at equal value". This has nothing to do with money.

    I can actually understand the woman's parents who hope that the in-law's family will pay a high price for the bride price.  After all, in the past, everyone's income level was generally not high, and getting married was even more expensive. Therefore, the economic function of bride price is very important.

    This money will be used as compensation for the lack of a labor force of the woman's family, the expenditure of the wedding banquet or the property capital of the woman's brother marrying a daughter-in-law, or economic compensation for the woman's family's hard work to provide a daughter.

    The economic and practical role of betrothal gifts is so important, so sky-high price betrothal gifts still occur frequently in poor areas.

    With the development of today's economic level, the salary level of most people has increased enough to support themselves.  The financial assistance effect of marriage itself on women is gradually decreasing, and the economic attractiveness of bride price is even lower for modern women.

    My family does not need the "assistance" of the bride price, and my own job is enough to cover my living expenses, so why do I ask the other party to give me a sum of money when I get married?

    Indeed, many people want a bride price not for money, but for the sense of security, respect or love behind the gift.

    Now that the legally specified prenuptial property agreement has matured to the point where no one can take advantage of marriage, the bride price voluntarily given by the man seems to be more prominent: he is true love for me.

    Therefore, there are often people who emphasize the necessity of bride price in this way:

    "If you don't want a bride price, then you will despise yourself. The husband's family looks down on you, and the man doesn't cherish you." "If he spends hundreds of thousands to marry you, he won't divorce easily."

    Sorry, my marriage needs to be based on mutual appreciation and mutual recognition between two people. If it is a marriage that needs money to be "sustainable", then I don't want to end it at all.

    What's more, a woman's sense of security always comes from herself, and has nothing to do with the bride price, or even marriage.

    I understand that everyone's parents love their daughters very much, and ask the fianc¨¦'s family to pay a bride price as a guarantee of "the happiness of the daughter's marriage".

    But I hope that my parents will encourage me to win happiness through my own strength, and to "try to become a better person" instead of "try to marry a better person".

    As Beauvoir said,

    Man's great fortune is that, whether in manhood or in childhood, he has to embark on a very arduous journey.The road, but it is the surest road;

    The misfortune of a woman is that she is surrounded by an almost irresistible temptation. She is not required to strive upwards, but is only encouraged to slide down to reach bliss.  It is usually too late when she finds out that she has been fooled by a mirage, her powers spent in failed adventures.

    Decades have passed since Beauvoir finished saying this sentence, but the environment we live in still does not encourage girls to rely on their own strength to win luck and happiness.  Relatives will still admire when chatting: "An ordinary girl from so-and-so's family married a boy with particularly good conditions, she is really capable."

    In the subtext, it seems that only by relying on men who are stronger than themselves can women live a better and more comfortable life-and this miraculous situation cannot be exchanged by women for a lifetime.

    But I have already understood that fate will not be changed by "a perfect marriage". Only by working hard and fighting hard can you get everything you want. Even if it is difficult and unpredictable, this is the only way to get happiness.  road.

    For women, marriage is just a new beginning, a way to become a better person, not the ultimate refuge.

    Just as the movie "Green Book" said: "It takes courage to change people's ideas." We cannot uproot the traditional concept of "women should be attached to men", but at least it can be loosened slowly.

    ? I think it¡¯s time to start with the fact that girls don¡¯t want bride price, and public opinion no longer puts girls on the weak side of marriage.  In this way, it should be the real equality between men and women.  "

    Chu Lihua didn't know how that nerve was touched all of a sudden, and she said it all of a sudden.

    What she didn't expect was that because they were not large enough to eat in the private room, they were arranged in the lobby. After she finished speaking, everyone in the restaurant applauded her.

    Not to mention the group of colleagues who dined together at this table.

    Just because of this passage, Chu Lihua suddenly became different among her colleagues.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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