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Doubts about once believed

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    ?

    Putting a few small beige sacks aside, I squatted alone at the gate of the train station. The ankle-length down jacket was bent along with the legs. Therefore, squatting had a soft feeling, a little erratic, and no sense of solidity.  The night is getting darker, the chill is getting worse, there are sparse people with luggage passing by, you didn't look at them carefully, but kept asking yourself, can you just go back with that white envelope like this?

    "If one day I accept other people's red envelopes, I will never be a reporter again!" A voice came from your memory, with an inviolable solemnity, you shook your head, backed away and trembled in the dark.  You know that you have no way to go back like this anyway.

    ?Wechat to zsn, the contact person in Shijiazhuang, and ask, where should I find you?

    The other party thought that you wanted the fee for the main forum, so they said that Alipay would transfer it to you directly.

    Speaking of it, this seems to be God's will.  lz just let you participate in the main forum in the afternoon, you can visit the sub-forum in the morning.  After going to the sub-forum with Syt, the girl who lived with me the night before, when they checked in at the check-in counter, they refused to check in for themselves anyway, because they didn't sign up before they came.  Syt asked you to contact the person who contacted you here, you said, I just don't understand why you need to sign in to participate in the forum even if you don't need to sign in.  After visiting all three forums, and after a stroll outside, it was almost eleven o'clock. The person in charge of the event said in the WeChat group that those who only participated in the afternoon forum could go to the sign-in counter on the first floor to collect meal coupons.  You reported the name of your unit to them, and a beautiful girl in front of you wearing a black down jacket and a hat with red stripes asked cheerfully, "Is that Mr. Z?" You looked at her suspiciously, and she continued, "I'm sn  Ah!" Only then did you realize that it was the person responsible for contacting you.

    You ask if you can get meal coupons here, can you sign in on the sub-forum, can you get the information of the sub-forum, can you join that group, and so on.  Once you come and go, while you sign in, you take a folded white envelope stuffed by zsn, thinking to yourself, why does a meal coupon need to be wrapped in an envelope?  Last night's room card was also packed in a small paper bag, so I didn't pay attention to this problem.  Zsn said, it's up to you to promote the sub-venue here, and you said yes, yes, but you don't think lz will let you do this.

    Return to Syt with the meeting procedure. She is listening to their speech on the forum, and the reporter from the local newspaper is on the left.  While putting down the meeting process, you said "I got the meal coupon" in a smug tone, and opened the envelope, wanting to see how advanced it is before you need to pack it with something.  The moment you open the envelope, a little red cash comes into view¡ªyou understand everything.

    In the middle, I saw zsn in the crowd several times, and you couldn't think of any excuses, and there was no way to stuff a small envelope back in full view.

    At the sign-in area of ??the main forum, the person in charge of sign-in for the media had a stack of envelopes in his arms, tied with a thin yellow rubber band, and when he signed in, he would draw an envelope for him.  When you signed, the other party asked if you signed it in the morning, and you said you signed it in the sub-forum, but she didn't say anything, and she didn't draw an envelope for you like other people.  For some unknown reason, I felt a sense of loss in my heart, perhaps it was due to the greedy nature of human beings.  During the meeting, zsn WeChat asked you if they gave you an envelope when you just signed in, and you pretended not to know and replied: ah?  No.  She told you to find her to get it after the meeting. You know this is an opportunity, as if it was a choice arranged by God.

    After the meeting, zsn didn't contact you, and you couldn't think of how to hand an envelope back to her in the middle of a pile of media, and told her that you didn't need it, so you thought about going back and handing it over to lz.

    At the ticket gate of the train station, when you are about to put your luggage on the conveyor belt, get out of the line, squat to the side, and tell yourself that there is still an hour and a half, and it is enough to go back to the meeting site and come back for another hour.  In addition, there is half an hour to make a decision.

    ?In life, as long as there is an inch of concession, you will give in again and again. When you look back one day, you don't know where you have retreated or what you have become.  This time I took the money back, how can I guarantee that lz will handle it for you?  What if it is not dealt with?  If it is included in the bag, I will never be able to write articles, and the articles I write will never be signed. Will I accept such a future?  Even if lz has dealt with it, I have already started to give in, I have already given in an inch, and I will definitely give in again and again in the future. Will the current self allow the changes that have occurred unconsciously?  Will my future self allow it?

    You take your stuff and go outside, squatting in the dead of winter, waiting for a decision to slowly take shape, solidified and impenetrable.

    When the other party says you are still on the forum, you go out, stop a car at a place where you shouldn't take a taxi, and go back.

    Only the workers were dismantling the equipment at the venue. Although the daytime meeting was not gorgeous, it was still very grand.?Today is like a house being renovated, a bit dilapidated.  The magnificence of the appearance is only a short-term elaborate decoration. After the joy is gone, when it returns to silence, the magnificence also withers into dust.

    You wait at the door, and as soon as Zsn comes out, you hand over a white envelope with both hands, and say, "I'm so sorry." You take out the envelope that was placed in the right pocket of the down jacket in advance, and quickly put it on the envelope she handed over  .

    Zsn didn't panic as imagined, and reacted quickly and quickly, saying: "Don't" You don't know what this action of yours represents in her eyes. I don't know if it is boring persistence or rare self-respect.  "I respect your decision," she said.

    She said, in fact, you don't need to mind it, you can take it as compensation for the hard work.

    You say, "I know, there's nothing wrong with it, it's just that I'm sad, so I can't do it."

    Later she offered 100 yuan to give you a taxi, but you refused.

    Later, she said that she called a taxi for you, but because she called the wrong one, you said that you went to the side of the road to take a taxi.

    On the way to Shijiazhuang, a graduate student who is about to graduate sat on the left. When he knew you were an editor and reporter, he told you a story about the reporter¡¯s struggle against the darkness. At the end of the story, the reporter succumbed to the darkness and supported the reporter from the beginning.  The doctor who exposed the dark report was arrested and jailed.  He asked: "When a reporter faces such a thing and needs to fight against the dark forces, you should not like this."

    "I like it!" After thinking for a while, he added, "That's where its value lies."

    Yes, its value is here, its glory is here, but the era of its glory has passed!

    And you are only now staggering to see it fall, to see it rot in the dark.

    Once said, because of ignorance, so explore.

    Now, after only a few glances, you don't want to open your eyes again, so you want to follow Tao Qian, sneak into the deep forest, and ignore the world from then on.

    But Schopenhauer said that only by going deep into the world, facing it calmly, and then living in the mountains and forests, is the real retreat, otherwise it is all escape.  (Remember the site URL: www.hlnovel.com
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