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I decided to rewrite (wishful thinking).
Starting from scratch is a long process.
The winter sun shines on the body through the glass window.
I think that the hard work in the past two months will be in vain. Everything returns to zero. Re-conceive, re-choose the subject matter. Rewrite the outline.
The editor of the website said that my brain is not open enough, and my writing is not refined enough
So, I looked at the draft papers in the middle of the night, thinking about the confused life. Learn from the pain and rewrite it, maybe it will be better. I always confuse myself. Rewriting, is it falling into a new desperate situation, or finding an exit
With memory, it seems that there is pain. Memories are always accompanied by bitter sweetness.
I learned to grow and forgot to be straightforward.
Learned hypocrisy and forgot naivety.
? Learned to observe words and expressions, but forgot to be sincere.
Said that the scale I wrote was not large enough.
How pornographic and violent must it be to meet the audience's taste?
So, I tasted failure again in the snowy winter.
In the dark night, on the way home, I looked up at the bright starry sky above my head. What is the distance between this city and me?
Not life and death. Nor is it so close. Within reach, yet frightened.
The days are spent in chaos.
Age grows in frustration.
In the past, I thought that as long as I worked hard, an iron rod could eventually be ground into a needle. It is gold that shines morning and evening.
There is no free time when squeezed by work. I looked at the empty paper, a book on the bookshelf, a humble negotiation with time.
slower.
How nice to go back to the past.
But I can still lie on the sofa and browse Weibo and Moments leisurely.
I think there are still so many things to do. piled up next to me. Getting up earlier will not affect the good mood of the day. Blame the weather for being too cold. I don't want to leave the bed until the last minute. The bad habit of staying in bed has been cultivated since childhood.
The result was a rampage on the way to work.
"You can't ride slower. Fortunately, you ride a bicycle." Passers-by who often provoked yelled impatiently.
Buy breakfast on the roadside. I saw migrant workers wearing old clothes stained with mud.
He is waiting for the hand pie.
The stall owner is too busy. There are several cakes in one pot. As a result, a piece of cake was burned before it could be turned over.
Black.
She was reluctant to sell it to that migrant worker. And I want to say one more thing, I will pay for this cake
What made me not have the courage to speak out
The rain hit him. Black fingers took the plastic bag of biscuits. I saw him swallow sadly. Wanted to say no but bought it anyway.
His figure disappeared into the rain.
Reminds me of my father.
It was also so difficult to run around for life. Walk through every clean street in the contemptuous eyes of others.
Since then, I have never patronized this breakfast shop again. To do business, you must first learn to be a human being. It's not that wearing famous brands, holding an Apple mobile phone, and driving a luxury car means being superior to others.
They are the most worthy of respect.
When the earth is covered with a layer of snow. I saw vendors doing business standing in the cold wind. The exhaled white gas is like a cloud of smoke. The weather is cold. The crowd is sparse. They hold on to the last station.
Compassion overflows.
Will take the initiative to go up and buy.
Although it may not be used when you buy it back. Stacked in the utility room. A lot of ashes fell.
Do your best to make them look less lonely.
Walk on snow mixed with water. Rows of footprints. See sanitation workers sweeping the streets. Their hard work brought peace to the city. When we all fell into sweet dreams, it was they who used their hands to open up a clean and tidy road in the ice and snow.
Suddenly remembered Xiao Hei.
We never met. It was the ex-boyfriend of a friend of mine in Shanghai.
He is the friend who provided me with the seeds of the video.
Most of them involve "not suitable for children". There are also particularly scary films.
We never say a word more.
But when I want to watch a movie, I will send him a message.
"Is there a film?"
"have."
No matter what kind. Take it all.
What kind of roles do these people play in my life. Secret, pure. Innocent.
Inexplicably, I think of Shanghai.
theAnd Shanghai is not the place to water my ideals.
I set out there. Embark on a long-distance journey of striving for ideals. Meet a lot of people. Many stories happened.
Almost lost in the rough sea of ??people. Can't find the way home.
Many years passed. I still can't afford an iPhone, still can't afford the beautiful clothes hanging in the window, and still can't travel to the places I want to go. Still like a little kid.
But I am not poor.
Because I've been doing what I love. And chose to stick to it.
A cup of tea and a book. A blank sheet of paper. A pen, a person, a piece of text, a period. A sigh.
Will not let down the meeting because we can't get together forever.
My heart is as transparent as glass.
? Absorb the essence of the sun and the moon.
You don't understand my sadness
Just like not being able to understand what I wrote.
sentence
A little bit
like tangled silk strings
Like the midwinter sun
I write on paper
just as a memory of a previous life
Transparent sadness is my hope
Boiling with my pride
The shadow of the sun and the moon
parting paradise
I think therefore I forget
Quietly
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